2am. Tiger lying on the ground with injuries to the leg and face. Elin standing over him wielding a golf club. The 4x4 planted into a fire hydrant. It all looks pretty suspect doesn’t it? Anyway the fun is in the speculation. Instead of dragging poor Tiger down a back alley over this, has anyone considered that there might be a perfectly innocent explanation. It might go something like this.
Explain 2am: Everyone knows Tiger is a champion. And you don’t get to be a champion without hard work. He is so busy practicing up to 18 hours a day that he gets home VERY late every evening.
Explain the lnjuries: Though tired and weary, when he gets home every night at 2am, Tiger makes a special effort to spend some quality time with Elin, teaching her the game of golf in his specially constructed indoor practice area. Though usually Tiger never lets anyone touch his clubs, such is his love for Elin, that he lets her use his 3 iron. What he does not realise is that to the mere mortal, his 3 iron looks like a poker. Anyway having gently arranged her tender fingers on the club into a Vardon grip, Tiger puts down a pristine Nike One Black and takes a step back. Elin makes a swing, takes an unholy shank, the ball ricocheting off the radiator, hammering of Tiger’s bad leg before heading back and to the left finally smashing into Tiger’s face. Back and to the left, back and to the left………
Explain the car in the fire hydrant: After the injurious shanking incident, Tiger suggests that they take the lesson outside as it might be less dangerous. Ever the patient professional, Tiger, at this stage looking like Rocky coming out for the 15th round against Apollo Creed and only able to see out of one eye, suggests they create their own par-3 in the driveway to make Elin’s golfing experience as real as possible. The loveable rogue suggests a nearby fire hydrant would be the perfect water hazard and lets out a couple of thousand gallons to “re-create” the famous 17th at Sawgrass. Of course every good par-3 needs a hole-in-one prize, something like a car, and it has to be sitting out in the middle of the lake. Tiger heads over to the car to move it into the water. As he limps through the darkness and the sodden grass and sits into the car, with the water belting like a thunder storm on the windshield, Tiger realises that instead of recreating the 17th at Sawgrass, he has unwittingly made his front lawn into the first tee of the Ryder Cup at the K Club. A cold sweat breaks out, the pain in the leg is back worse than ever, and Elin looks like Stevie, imploring him to take a 3-iron. “No” says Tiger, “Clarkey is 300 yards up the middle, how hard can it be with driver?”. At that precise moment all Tiger’s driving demons come flooding back and he finds himself on his arse in the lawn, with the car straddling the fire hydrant and Elin standing there with the 3-iron and an “I told you so” look. Pretty simple really.
And the moral of the story? Well there are a few.
You don’t need driver on the 1st at the K Club.
Cavity backs are so much easier to hit than blades.
Never hit a golf ball when there is a radiator nearby.
Bad driving can permeate through the rest of your game, or “life” in Tiger’s case.
As Bob Rotella says: If the last image you have before you hit is the water hazard, you will find the water hazard.