December 2009

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Another big chance for Tim Clark to end his PGA Tour duck came and went at the Final Round of the Bob Hope Classic when he chose to lay up with his second on the par-5 last.  Despite only having 230 yards to the green (over water), Clark tried for birdie the conventional way but missed from 8 feet.  That left Bill Haas, who had the courage to take on the water and reap the reward of his first win on tour.  Here are the highlights:

So Tiger was spotted at a sex addiction clinic in Mississippi. At least we know the rubbish about him with red bull, the bird and vodka, was, well, rubbish.  But who cares where he is anymore?  Oh hang on. Am I not just contributing to the media frenzy by posting this.  Damn.  He’s never going to be my friend now.

 

The SpinDoctor notched his first win of the season with Kaymer coming good in Abu Dhabi.  Your tenner each way would have paid a dividend of €175, which could have been a nice little discount off your annual golf club  subscription, which by the way, is now due.

And that’s not all.  Two of our US Tour picks are also in the mix goes into today’s Monday finish at the Bob Hope.  Muscleman Mike Weir (20/1) and  Tiny Tim Clark (20/1) are both within 3 shots of the leader Alex Pr-Who?

Watch out for our tips for this coming week!!

Here’s what we said about Kaymer last week

Martin Kaymer: 14/1

martin kaymer Do you think Paul Casey will win this week? He owns Abu Dhabi but still must have a lot of cobwebs to blow out before he gets to top form. That leaves another course specialist in Martin Kaymer as my top tip for the week. Kaymer almost reeled in Casey in the final round last year shooting 67 to Casey’s 70 but the Englishman hung on for a nervy win. Kaymer won in 2008 by four shots, even having the luxury of shooting a final round 74. I bet he avoids the Karting on Wednesday evening.

 

bobhope_classic_logo Bob Hope Classic

Wednesday Jan 20 – Sunday Jan 24, 2010

SilverRock Resort, La Quinta CC, PGA WEST · La Quinta, Calif.

 

 

Mike Weir 20/1

mike weir

Canadian Mike Weir gets his first run out of the season in this somewhat depleted Bob Hope field. Its usually a birdie fest at this five round event with a rare chance for the shorter hitters to compete for a win. Weir has won here in 2003, tied fifth in 2006 and tied third last year when Pat Perez blew the field away with a 61 opening round.

Tim Clark 20/1

tim clark

This week will mark another milestone for tiny Tim Clark as he passes the $14 million mark in career earnings. And that’s without a win in 196 starts! Something surely has to give in 2010 and though it’s early in the season La Quinta could suit Clark’s excellent putting.

Chad Campbell 20/1

cahd campbell

Don’t you just think Chad should perform a whole lot better than he actually does? From a high of 27th in the world in 2006 (aided by a win at the Bob Hope Classic) he has slipped to around the 60 mark for the past three seasons. However a good tied 8th in his first outing at the Sony Open last week gives him a sneak this week. Played well last year tying 8th and but for a very poor second round could have contended.

Past Winners

 

2009 Pat Perez  United States 327 -33 918,000 5,100,000
Bob Hope Chrysler Classic
2008 D. J. Trahan  United States 334 -26 918,000 5,100,000
2007 Charley Hoffman  United States 343 -17 900,000 5,000,000
2006 Chad Campbell  United States 335 -25 900,000 5,000,000
2005 Justin Leonard  United States 332 -28 846,000 4,700,000
2004 Phil Mickelson  United States 330 -30 810,000 4,500,000
2003 Mike Weir  Canada 330 -30 810,000 4,500,000
2002 Phil Mickelson  United States 330 -30 720,000 4,000,000

Abu Dhabi Golf Championship Tips

Abu Dhabi Golf Club

Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates

21 Jan 2010 - 24 Jan 2010

Lee Westwood: 12/1

lee_westwood One thing for sure is that Lee Westwood wasn’t sitting on his laurels during the off season. Expect him to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger on the first tee on Thursday. The reigning Race champion notched up 11 top tens in 13 starts from the Open de France onwards last season and with Tiger out on transgressional leave, Westwood knows a Major could come his way. Lee has a bit of course form, tied second in 2008 when the course set-up was a lot tougher. He will want to hit the ground running this week.

Martin Kaymer: 14/1

martin kaymer Do you think Paul Casey will win this week? He owns Abu Dhabi but still must have a lot of cobwebs to blow out before he gets to top form. That leaves another course specialist in Martin Kaymer as my top tip for the week. Kaymer almost reeled in Casey in the final round last year shooting 67 to Casey’s 70 but the Englishman hung on for a nervy win. Kaymer won in 2008 by four shots, even having the luxury of shooting a final round 74. I bet he avoids the Karting on Wednesday evening.

Danny Willett: 50/1

DannyWillett_2220499 The son of a preacher man comes into 2010 on the back of a highly impressive rookie season on the European Tour which included eight top tens. Got off to a flier with a tied fourth at Joburg and if he’s not completely knackered after the trip, could feature again this week. Followed an opening round 71 with three rounds in the 60’s in this rubber last season to tie eighth. A solid each way shout.

 

 

Just for the craic I attempted a little video highlights piece for the Joburg Open.  It’s my very first attempt at broadcasting and its dodgy at best but you should be able to get the jist of it.  Btw: I didn't mention this in the video but a big well done also has to go Simon Thornton, who put a sad few weeks in his personal life behind him with an excellent closing 69 to finish tied 17th and secure a cheque for €15,938.

You may have heard people talk about Retief filling his pants over a short putt on Sunday, but now real concerns for food safety are emerging on the European and US Tour’s. Having worked as a food safety consultant for the past ten years I know a thing or two about food poisoning. And all the gym and range work in the world can’t help a professional golfer when, on the first tee, he feels his tummy gurgling and ass going into lockdown mode.

With the European Tour set to visit the United Arab Emirates and India in the next few weeks, the Irish contingent need to be vigilant against a dose of gastro which could scutter their chances.

A bombing at the oval office, so to speak, isn’t unheard of on Tour. On the eve of the Accenture Match Play Championship 2003, David Toms was hospitalized with food poisoning. He reportedly spent the whole night taking the Browns to the Superbowl. Still extremely weak the following morning, he managed to avoid testing the plumbing long enough to defeat Alex Cejka in the first round.

More recently, in 2009 Phil Mickelson was ravaged by a severe dose of the squirts at the WGC-CA Championship at Doral's Blue Monster that left him requiring two bags of IV fluids and a trip to the Sears underwear department. He recovered to squeeze past Nick Watney by one shot, on the last very sore hole.

tiger fart

Stevie: “where did all the flies come from?”

Even Tiger himself has gotten some action (food poisoning that is). At one tournament in 2003, Tiger was sickened by some bad pasta that caused him to test the backboard through the night and on during his final round. Woods still managed to win the Bay Hill Invitational, proving that not even E.coli could deter him from his ultimate goal, finding the on-course portaloo to get down to some urgent paperwork, before Jason Gore.

margeret vhi kenya

Margaret from the VHI in Kenya: Having the Trotsky’s  was “like, Oh My God”.

All this comes in the wake of the news that emerged on Irish TV screens over the Christmas of Margaret from Cork who developed a very bad dose of the trots towards the middle of the second week of her honeymoon in Kenya. Such was the fluidity of the situation, Margaret in her own words, described thinking that getting sick in Kenya would be “like, Oh My God”. Luckily for Margaret she had her VHI card which the Kenyan authorities knew straight off. It’s not clear whether the Kenyan’s had mistaken VHI for VIP but Margaret ended up getting royally treated in a Nairobi hospital to the extent that she even had her own wipers after punishing the porcelain. Had the incident happened three weeks earlier Margaret could have ended up on a trolley in a corridor at the South Infirmary crapping into a recycled Corn Flakes box. All’s well that ends well however and now Margaret is back to work sticking pictures of Elephants up on the wall of her home in Mallow. She has also kept up the acting skills she learned in the advert, appearing as a Romulan in Star Trek and in the James Cameron epic Avatar.

avatar margeret romulan

Sony Open in Hawaii

Thursday Jan 14 – Sunday Jan 17, 2010

Waialae Country Club · Honolulu, Hawaii

Keeper: Rory Sabbatini 25/1

rory sabbatini It was always going to be hard for Rory after Gabriella’s success on the tennis court. Then McIlroy came along to steal the title “Most Famous Rory” which made things even tougher for the South Ifricin. But with Rors still unpacking boxes this could be Sabbatini’s week. He blazed through the small field (call it a paddock) last week finishing with a 63 to climb from tenth to second. Throw two tied second place finishes in 2008 and 2006 into the pot and you have a recipe for success in Hawaii. Unless there’s slow play that is.

Sleeper: Ernie Els 28/1

ernie els It’s hard to believe I’m putting Ernie Els down as a sleeper, but that’s the way things have gone. He used be like Man Utd’s Roy Keane, the first name on the teamsheet, now he’s like Ipswich Manager Roy Keane, need I say more. Back in the early noughties Ernie ruled supreme at Waialae Country Club winning in 2003 and 2004. He hadn’t been outside the top five in Hawaii in five appearances, until last year that is. He started filling his pants over short putts and ended up back in 39th. Let’s hope he gets some immodium for the 2010 season and brings back the glory days.

Squeaker: Jerry Kelly 55/1

jerry kelly I like the cut of Jerry’s jib, literally. It’s greying nicely. You always get the impression Jerry would be rubbish at poker, he goes all floppy like that British comedian Lee Evans when he hits a bad shot. However your honour let the record show that Jerry Kelly has won the Sony Open, back in 2002. And he likes coming back, he has top 15’d four times since winning, including a third in 2008. I got that floppy feelin’ for Jerry this week.

Past winners

2009

Zach Johnson

United States

265

-15

972,000

2008

K.J. Choi

South Korea

266

-14

954,000

2007

Paul Goydos

United States

266

-14

936,000

2006

David Toms

United States

261

-19

918,000

2005

Vijay Singh

Fiji

269

-11

864,000

2004

Ernie Els

South Africa

262

-18

864,000

2003

Ernie Els

South Africa

264

-16

810,000

2002

Jerry Kelly

United States

266

-14

720,000

2001

Brad Faxon

United States

260

-20

720,000

2000

Paul Azinger

United States

261

-19

522,000

Odds thanks to Boylesports

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Its bound to be another go-low week in sunny South Africa where the average winning score over past three years has been 16 under. Yep birdies are to Joburg as Iris Robinson is to a teenage disco. Here’s my reading of the favourites and the long odds chances this week.

Richard Sterne 14/1

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Yeah he may pint sized but good poison comes in small bottles. At least that’s what my wife says. Richard was weighed down with all the pressures of defending champion last week and anyone watching his round two and three performances could clearly see that. He did finish with a stylish 67 though to tie 15th and free of the shackles of media and sponsors obligations this week, he could just feature. And just for good measure, Sterne won here in 2008. He didn’t make it easy on himself then either, he was three over after three on Thursday, before battling back to beat Garth Mulroy and Magnus Karlsson in a playoff.

Andrew McLardy 33/1

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Andrew McLardy brings new meaning to the word Journeyman-pro. Son of Ron and Mary McLardy from Helenborough in Scotland, Andrew was born in Zimbabwe, raised in South Africa, lives in America and plays on the European Open. Crazy or what! McLardy absolutely lives for the Joburg Open, as it has been his ATM card for the past three years. He finished second in the inaugural event in 2007, 14 th in 2008 and second again behind Anders Hansen last year. You just know Andrew’s been practicing away on the course for the last two weeks for this.

Pelle Edberg 33/1

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Named after Sweden’s best ever soccer player, Pelle is literally up Joburg Creek without a paddle at the moment with his limited exemption category 12 status on the Tour. Thus he’s desperately trying to play well in South Africa to get a couple more invites and make a few euro. Played great in the final round of the Africa Open last week until he burned €49,000 with a double bogey on the final hole dropping from potential third down to tied eighth. Expect the Swedish Zorro to be in the hunt again this week. Because if he isn’t , he’s toast.

European Tour- Shwartzel Has Excellent Teeth in Africa

Charl Schwartzel, one of the worlds skinniest golfers, claimed his fourth European Tour title after his final round 67 helped him win the Africa Open in East Lbranden graceondon. The South African, who only eats liquidized Special K, was thin enough to edge past out joint-overnight leader Thomas Aiken by a stroke.

Further down the field, Branden Grace, after 40 years entertaining Irish audiences with his slapstick comedy ended with an emphatic round of the day 66 to tie for eighth place on 16 under. “Bottler” as he is affectionately known tied with five other players, including James Kingston and veteran Miles Tunnicliff.

Northern Irishman Darren Clarke's three under round enabled him to finish three shots further back on an overall 12 under par for a 280 total. Darren picked up a cheque for €8542, enough to the keep the DC60 porsche in petrol for about a week. Branden “Bottler” Grace

US Tour- Groundhog Day for Ogilvy who looks a Bit Like Me

geoff ogilivy sbs Geoff Ogilvy successfully defended his title at Kapalua last night as he won the newly-sponsored SBS Championship, shooting a final round 67 on the par 73 Plantation Course to finish at 22 under par, a shot better than South Africa's Rory Sabbatini. Ogilvy who shares a first name with a 1966 England world Cup winner and Annie’s brother from Home and Away, vowed after his win not to make the same mistakes that led to the slump in form that followed after his victory last season. American Matt Kuchar was third at 19 under with his compatriot (and John Duggan’s tip from Today FM) Sean O'Hair in a tie for fourth at 18 under with Scotland's Martin Laird.

Geoff Ogilvy- Handsome

Royal Trophy- Nobody Knew It Was Even On!

Colin Montgomerie’s European team emerged victorious after a tightly fought final day's singles against Asia to reclaim the Royal Trophy. Leading 4 1/2 - 3 1/2 heading into the final round, Europe hung on for dear life to maintain their one point advantage in front on one man and his dog at the Amata Spring Country Club somewhere in Asia, we presume. According to morse code picked up from Asia, the end came when Thailand's Thongchai Jaidee bogeyed the last and Swede Henrik Stenson kept his cool to make par from six feet to halve the match and secure an 8 1/2 - 7 1/2 win for Europe. At least the event provided food for thought for Monty who watched Alexander Noren get his ass Royally whooped by Oda from Star Wars, whilst Peter Hanson gave child prodigy Riu Ishikawa a dead-leg winning 5&4.

Scores on The Doors

1UP

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WI

F

DYSON

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A/S

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LIANG

F

MONTGOMERIE

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A/S

5&3

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ODA

F

NOREN

clip_image012

2&1

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SINGH

F

KARLSSON

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MARKSAENG

F

MARTIN

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2&1

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ISHIKAWA

F

HANSON

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5&4

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BHULLAR

F

KJELDSEN

clip_image028

2&1

A/S

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JAIDEE

F

STENSON

clip_image032

A/S

ASIA

7½ - 8½

EUROPE

Oh My God! How could anyone go with this Tiger Vanity Fair cover? As if the poor guy (I mean "poor" in spirit) wasn't having a hard enough time at the moment, somebody somewhere thought a picture of him looking like a cross between Andy Dufresne from Shawshank and Vinny Jones from Lock Stock would be a crackin' idea. However it has since emerged from sources, in my tiny mind, that the picture is actually a promotion for Tiger's hotly anticipated rematch with Elin.

As the photo clearly shows,Tiger is taking the whole re-match with Elin thing seriously. It's the USA versus a Scandinavian fighting God; yep Rocky 4 all over again. While Tiger is busy lugging unspeakably heavy milk churns through the snow and doing stomach crunches with his feet manacled to the highest beam in some rat infested barn, Elin is hooked up to loads of cardio machines in Sweden and surrounded by a team of sports scientists making her stronger, fitter and faster than an accelerating black Escalade.

The fight is now set to take place on March 31st in Las Vegas in the slot recently vacated by Mayweather and Pacqiou (or however it's spelled). Elin is to enter the ring first and will wait alone there until James Brown has sung "Living In America" after which Tiger will drop into the ring like a lob wedge. Speaking of lobs and wedges, it looks like Elin is also set to garner the lion's, I mean Tiger's share of the purse too.
My opinion. It's too hard to call. Elin will have to come up at least ten weight divisions to fight Tiger but he has some decidedly dodgy hairy nipples goin' on; if Elin manages to tweak one or two of those bad boys, Tiger could go down again early, just as in the first fight. And no parent should have to watch their knocked-out son, desperately clamber to stand upright, twice in their career.

Tiger Vanity Fair- three words that just dont seem to sit well together just at the moment.

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