2011 Barclays Singapore Open Second Round Highlights

Click below to view 2011 Barclays Singapore Open Second Round Highlights on the European Tour site.

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What Couples Get Up To!

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Bookies Pay Out On Woods In Oz. Isn’t He Wonderful?!

Hold on to your hats ladies and gents because I’m about to say something I haven’t said in a while: Tiger Woods leads the field at The Australian Open after he produced a round of five under 67.

Playing with the luxury of not having sunblock on his hands, Woods canned five birdies on his first nine holes to surge to the outright lead. Lakes local Peter O'Malley is one back. Adam Scott is five behind and within touching distance of that dream final round pairing we all want to see. Admit it!

The worrying thing for the bookies is that Woods is back to talking like he’s the Lord God almighty again.

"Basically I felt that I never really missed a shot. Even though I shot five under today it felt like it could easily been eight or nine deep," he said adding "I am hitting the ball well. I have just hit so many lips these first two days. It could have been pretty low.”

"My goal is to win golf tournaments and play to the satisfaction of myself and my family. That, to me, is what it is all about."

Er newsflash Tiger, I dont think you’re 4 year old or 2 old really give a crap how you are playing.  The only golf related activity they are interested in is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!

2011 Australian Open Second Round Leaderboard

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Morrison Was On For The Magic 59

Pop legend and 2010 Madeira Islands Open winner James Morrison almost carded the The European Tour’s first 59 in Singapore earlier today.  Morrison, who only just launched his new album The Awakening, was well on track after birdieing 10, 11, 12 and 13 on the Tanjong track, before a bogey on 16 scuppered his chances.
Pic: Morrison warming up the crowd before his round in Singapore
However his 62, nine under sees him joint top with Edoardo Molinari.  One shot back is YE Yang who admitted afterwards he’s getting quite sick of requests to bench press his bag. Best of the Irish and playing a blinder at the moment is Shane Lowry on four under.

2011 Barclays Singapore Open First Round Leaderboard

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Tiger Only Three Behind Sandy’s Love Child In Oz. Isn’t he great!

Tiger Woods with his leg barely held together by a few band aids and a bit of string is only three shots behind Sandy Lyle’s love child Jarrod at the Aussie Open.  The Victorian leads by one from Woods who was playing with the disadvantage of having Stevie Williams fist sticking out of ass.

The press massaged Tiger’s ego further by saying he played in the toughest conditions.  Hang on, it’s Australia we’re talking about! Tough conditions? Did he have to play with sunblock on his hands?

Dustin Johnson and Nick Watney are up there at six under as is Fred Couples in his ridiculous (-ly cool) shoes and James Nitties, the most talented player ever to have appeared on Big Break.

I haven’t a clue how Greg Norman is getting on. My eyes got blurry after watching four straight hours of wall to wall shark coverage.  It’s worse than Mike Weir at the Canadian Open!

2011 Australian Open First Round Leaderboard

expanded American style to show Tiger Woods

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Daly Hasn’t The Balls To Play Down Under

John Daly has been branded a “flamin’ gallah” by officials and turfed out of the Aussie Open.  Daly kicked off his bad behaviour when he played the wrong ball from a bunker on 10 and then hit every ball he had into the water on 11.

Without a ball to his name, Daly then took his son, told his partners “I’m off”  and headed back to the Caravan Park at Yabbey Creek.

"When u run out of balls u run out of balls. yes I shook my players partners hands & signed my card w/rules official," Daly tweeted after.

Tournament director Alf Stewart said he will never again be welcome at the Australian Open equating Daly to a hoodlum from Mangrove River. "Stone the crows. It's very disappointing, obviously, for the tournament, the surf club (and) certainly unprofessional and strike me roan I'm extremely bitter and disappointed that he's treated this championship this way," Mr Stewart said.

"We can't fine him because … he's not a member of ours, but we want it dealt with properly. We might get Heath Braxton or one of Jake’s crew to take him down."

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Brian 'Wolverine' Dawkins Inspires Ballyliffin Membership Offer

Everybody knows that Ballyliffin in Donegal has probably the best 36 holes of links golf in Ireland but today it finds itself in the midst of a media storm.  Immediately after publishing it latest membership offer, manager John Farren found himself in hot water after crediting American football safety Brian 'Wolverine' Dawkins for inspiring it.  Farren said “It just jumped out at me that this guy was exactly like our courses– lovely to look at, but an animal to play.” Farren a former winner of Eggheads, Junior Mastermind and Blackboard Jungle will be manning the Ballyliffin hotline today on 074 93 76119.

New Full Membership offer

• Join now and pay only €1000(local)/€1250(non-local) for the first 17 months, then €1000/€1250 per year for the next two years membership.
• This includes all joining fees and annual subs but excludes levies and GUI fees.
• Restricted to the first 50 applicants who are accepted by council.
• Contact 074 93 76119 for further information

Berlusconi Backs Williams In Woods Rectum Row

Beleaguered Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi says race-row caddie Steve Williams is a fine upstanding citizen and is only guilty of having bushy white locks.

Williams has caused outrage by describing a procedure involving placing something deep into Tiger Woods rectum. But Italy’s most powerful man, never involved in any lurid or inappropriate behaviour himself, does not believe Williams is a racist.

The Prime Minister said: "I have know Stevie a long time, and we have spent many many many happy nights together with his friend, and some other friends.  Not so much in the past three years though. Funny that”

Stevie is like me, a fine man.  He, like me, has never made a mistake in his entire life.  We are both surgeons speaking in surgical language that the common man does not comprehend.  Let the public say what they will say, history will prove us to be saints.”

"That caddies dinner was like the Italian Parliament trying to figure out how to repay a trillion euro debt that threatens to destroy Europe.  Many assholes, shouting at other assholes, out of their assholes, calling each other assholes.”

The Italian Parliament yesterday held a vote to determine if Williams was not a racist, which Berlusconi’s ruling party narrowly won, but only after the opposition abstained, deciding instead to wear t-shirts emblazoned with the word “ASSHOLE”. It is unclear whether they were referring to Berlusconi or Williams.  Another vote will take place today to decide that.

 

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How To Make A Really Great Stevie Williams Mask

Hey kids, want to make a really great Stevie Williams mask? Just follow the simple instructions below and we’ll instantly transform you into one of the best loved villains in golf.

Things You Will Need

Some sharp scissors: Simply cut around the edges of the Stevie mask.  Always be careful when using a sharp scissors. You may need to ask a grown up racist for help.  When you have done that, prod out the eyes.

Some cotton wool strips: These will come in handy for making Stevie’s locks.  Simply stick big bushy lumps onto the dotted lines outlined in the mask.

Goofy teeth:  Make a few complete pricks around the mouth area of the mask to make a hole. Pop in the teeth and hey presto, you’re a great front runner!

How to Lose Friends Book:  Simply read this book to get into Stevie’s mind.  Really impress your friends by snatching their cameras and phones and smashing them off the wall.

The Accent: This is the tough bit. Perfect the following phrase and amaze everyone. “Oymmm into Roycing end Gulf.”

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2011 Australian Open Betting Preview and Tips

2011 Australian Open Betting Preview and Tips, The Lakes, Sydney

Past Winners

2010 Geoff Ogilvy

2009 Adam Scott

 

Adam Scott 10/1

Winner of the Aussie Open in 2009 Scott came to The Lakes last year looking to defend but it went horribly wrong. He finished tied 32^nd, 16 shots off the pace but one glimmer of hope was the second round 66 where the putts dropped. Scott however is a different player since he move to the broomhandle and has to be the one to watch this week. Tied for 11^th last week after a final round 73 when Steve Williams might have been more ‘baggage’ and less caddy amid the racism controversy.

Hunter Mahan 20/1

I tipped up Hunter last week and he tied seventh, one shot out of a tie for fourth. That’s another top ten to go with his third at the Shanghai Masters and his second at the season ending Tour Championship in Atlanta. There are loads of fellow Americans in town for the President’s Cup so Hunter should feel right at home.

Dustin Johnson 20/1

After winning The Barclays Dustin’s game literally disintegrated and he did nothing in the big three PGA Tour season enders. However reports from the 6264 metre course say that Dustin is going to adopt an all out attack strategy. Last years winning score of 19 under suggests going low is a must and if Dustin is in the mood he could rip this track to shreds. Loads of sandy waste areas here too, can he ground the club??

Matt Jones 100/1

Only one top 10 at the Zurich Classic meant a poor season on the PGA Tour for Matt Jones who finished down in 127^th on the money list. That after a strong 2010 when he bagged five top 10’s and a second here at The Lakes. I’m always a believer in the horses for courses theory, karma and all that and I think odds of 100/1 for a returning podium finisher and a home player are a bit lengthy.

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2011 Barclays Singapore Open Betting Preview and Tips

Barclays Singapore Open betting Preview and Tips

The Tanjong & The Serapong, Sentosa GC, Singapore 10 Nov 2011 - 13 Nov 2011

early odds on the exchanges

Graeme McDowell 14/1

The best putter at the HSBC WGC last week and looking like the GMac of old on his way to a deserved third place finish. Putting will again be critical at Sentosa this week and I think GMac can make the adjustment from last weeks Creeping Bent to this weeks Tifeagle Bermuda grass. Tied third last year and tied fifth in 2009. Real possibilities.

Miguel Angel Jimenez 38/1

Mixed a pair of 66’s with a pair of 71’s last year on his way to tied eighth. Showed real character, shot making and putting to finish second at the Andalucia Masters behind Garcia. Surely a whole season cannot go by without a victory from The Mechanic?

Anders Hansen 40/1

It’s a first start on the European Tour in two months for Anders but he has been sure to include this tournament on his schedule after he finished second behind Adam Scott last year, his second top five here. A win would be no more than Anders deserves after great finishes at the Dubai Desert Classic, the Open de Espana, Wales Open and the high point at the US PGA Championship.

Best Of The Rest

Louis Oosthuizen 21/1 eventually finished down in tied seventh last week at the HSBC Champions but I think he played some of the best golf of the week and he’s will be getting a fiver each way from me. I’ll also be watching Justin Rose 23/1 who finished with a 66 and some impressive stats. He’ll arrive here full of confidence. Of the home players I going with former Asian number one Liang Wen-Chong who, though dreadfully out of form of late, is a horse for the course having come second in 2009 and tied 10^th last year. His odds of 140/1 in the betting may be reflective of this but are just too good to ignore..

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First Draft of Stevie Apology Leaked. Explains Context Of Black Ass Hole

I’ve just been sent an unofficial copy of the first apology statement from Stevie Williams after his controversial comments at the HSBC dinner.  This statement was said to be immediately scrapped and replaced with another,professionally written by a management script writer.

Leaked Unofficial Statement From Stevie Williams

Listen up you complete pricks. I’ve been out here for 33 years and you’re wasting my precious practice time. How do you expect me to win golf tournaments if you don’t let me practice.  Right okay I did say I would “like to shove it up that black ass hole” but what I meant and what you thought I meant were completely different.

Obviously as New Zealand’s top sportsman, I am dedicated to my art. I caddy and I go racing and the only place I’m interested in finishing is first. However during my spare time, I have a farm with an award winning collection of asses. You complete pricks probably call them “donkeys”. That’s because you, unlike me, are thick.  Anyway one of my award winning asses is a very rare breed called A South Island Black and last week she was heavily pregnant.  My daughter named her “Tiger” in honour of my famous chip in at Augusta a few years back.

Obviously you know I’m a very confident front runner but during my speech at the player caddy dinner at the HSBC Champions my vet phoned me up to tell me that Tiger, my black ass, was birthing and in grave danger of dying and losing the foal.  I was under pressure and faced with two choices; let Tiger give birth naturally and risk losing her and the foal, or get the vet to reach in there and pull out the foal.  Based on the wind and yardage, I instructed the vet to get on with it and told him shove it up Tiger’s black ass hole and try and save the foal.

Pic: ‘Tiger’ the Black Ass with her new foal.

Obviously there was a lot of expectations on that black ass foal and I’d be lying if I said if wasn’t a bit nervous but in the end they all lived so I hope all you complete pricks are happy. I backed myself just like when I go racing. The birth of my black ass foal is up there with my 145 wins. Now piss off.

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Aussie Open Set To Have More Drama Than Home and Away

Stick a New Zealander in Australia and there’s bound to be some tension.  Stick a New Zealander in Australia after the Rugby World Cup and there’s going to be fireworks. Stick a racist, camera grabbing, “prick” calling, delusional “sportsman” New Zealander in Australia and my guess he’ll be lucky to escape with his underpants. If he keeps a low profile.

Add the world’s cameras, a once great friend, now sworn enemy and disgruntled fading ex boss with a dickie knee into the equation and its the spark that could set the whole thing off.  Then if the week before the tournament, add the New Zealander who is actually employed by an Australian saying he “would like to shove it up that b*ack asshole”, referring to his aforementioned boss, then that splits the atom.

Stevie you told us you were a great “front runner”. I suggest you run.

2011 WGC Champions Key Stats

  Here are the key stats from the 2011 HSBC Champions

Driving Accuracy

1. Jim Furyk 75%
2. Bo Van Pelt 73.2%
3. Justin Rose 71.4%

Driving Distance (unverified)

1. Charl Schwartzel 339 yards
2. Jhonattan Vegas 309 yards
3. Nicolas Colsaerts 306.5

Greens In Regulation (GIR)

1. Louis Oosthuizen 91.7%
2. Lucas Glover 84.7%
3. John Senden 83.3%

Putts Per GIR

1. Adam Scott 1.529
2. Graeme McDowell 1.574
3. Xin-Jun Zhang 1.617

Putts Per Round

1. Graeme McDowell 25.5
2. Mohd Siddikur 25.8
3. Xin-Jun Zhang 26.5

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Ka-Ching for Kaymer in China

Martin Kaymer went on one of those solo runs you rarely see in the final round of a big tournament, but boy was it good to watch.  Though he started five shots behind fist pumping Freddie Jacobson, his tally of nine birdies in the last 12 holes saw the German win by three.  That all added up to a round of 63 and a back nine of just 29; on the two holes he parred on the way home he had birdie putts!

Freddie hung on for a deserving second, with GMac having a huge comeback week with a third.  Rors was tied fourth with Charl Schwartzel and Paul Casey.
Interestingly too that Kaymer, after this win can conceivably catch Luke Donald in the Race To Dubai.

2011 WGC HSBC Champions Final Round Leaderboard

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