Formulators of the 5-hour energy drink Jim Furyk is fuelled on have pleaded with the USGA to ensure the final round of todays US Open is completed in under 5 hours.
The secret mission of Tibetan Monks behind the caffeine packed gloop said in a statement “We can keep Jim jam packed with enough caffeine, taurine and other crazy shit to have his pupils fully dilated and his heart jumping out of his body for exactly 5 hours. That’s why we call it 5-hour energy.”
Head monk of the corporation the Dalai Guarana added,
“If the final round takes longer than 5 hours, it’s highly probable that Jim will come to a complete standstill, before falling to the ground, curling into a ball and yelling ‘I’m never drinking again’. We’ve tried it on a few monks at the abbey and let’s just say, it wasn’t pretty.”