"Just cause you have Rory McIlroy and Keegan Bradley you think you are guaranteed a world class golf tournament. Well I’m bloody well God and you’ll soon wish someone had consulted me” a clearly miffed God said today. In a statement released through his PR company, Horizon Sports Management, God added “I’ll show you a year’s worth of thunderstorms and other bad shit over the weekend, and maybe next time you’ll take me seriously”.
Pic: God above Portrush with someone lightning yesterday
It’s God’s 4,546,237th worldwide golf tournament and he’s finding himself increasingly on the periphery as the European and PGA Tours expand and his ministers on Earth get locked up for paedophilia offences.
“Nobody prays to God anymore, it’s time I unleashed a bit of wrath on your asses. And just in case you think I’m a one trick pony, I must warn you, I don’t just do shitty weather,” an agitated God shouted. “I do scorecard errors, I do everything from herniated disk injuries to heart attacks and I’m branching into I.T. and the whole area of computer viruses. So I’m warning you, respect your Lord.”
God did promise however to show his loyal supporters some mercy this week. “Obviously I’m going to look after nuns and stuff but I’m asking very holy people to just keep well away from sinners this weekend. That way they wont get involved in any collateral damage.”
For ever and ever Amen.