PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—Speaking from on top of a huge mountain of gold fillings, North Korea’s number one crazed dictator, Kim Jong-un, has declared himself “velly velly pleased” with the US Open grouping of fellow countrymen K. J. Choi and Y. E. Yang and K. T. Kim.
“I’m really excited that K, Y and K are out together next week” said Jong-Un. “They are the three best players in the world, with the obvious exception of myself, Dad, Saddam, Pol and Ghadaffi. It will be on at about 4am in the morning here in North Korea but I have ordered every citizen to be out of bed and watching the corner of the room where a television should be. We will of course be keeping everybody informed of the player’s progress through leaflet drops.”
“Having the guys in the same group also makes it very easy for our snipers to take them out if they don’t shoot 38 under par”, it makes the logistics and the getaway so much easier”.
Kim Jong Un is reportedly settling in well to his role as North Korean supreme dictator silencing many critics in the West who deemed him “just not mental enough” to take over from his father, Kim Jong Il.
“I’m really stoked with the win” said Jong Un, “Simon Cowell was a big fan of my Dad’s Tom Kite impression and I knew he would be very hard to win over. Dad won 28 years in a row and I was worried that Simon and the public might be tired of the concept and wanting change. But obviously not!”