In a last ditch attempt to save Rory McIlroy from a big money move to Nike, Oakley have sacked their clinically depressed top designer responsible for all his outfits for the past two seasons.
"We’ve basically got rid of the guy who dressed Rory like a cross between a Polo player and a chef with a sprinkling of leprechaun for the past two years” said a senior Oakley official, holding back tears as he spoke. “We’re Goddamn sunglasses makers for Christ’s sake, how were we to know that our designers 10 years previous employment experience with Oxfam was a bad thing?”
Oakley have two months left on McIlroy’s back to prove all their polo shirts do not look like the Peru football strip and that all their trousers don’t resemble grannies tea towel.
Even Tiger Woods was complimentary of McIlroy’s new look as he was overheard saying during their match, “Hey Rory I love your f*cking clothes today, you don’t look like a f*cking homeless person.”