stirk 2London: Sky Sports management this morning issued a statement  apologizing to subscribers after Sarah Stirk wore a navy dress live on air.  It is believed up to 60,000 horny golfers were left limp after they tuned in to final round coverage of the Valero Texas Open in the hope of getting a glimpse of the legendary Stirk starter buttons.

“I pay my subscription, I’m bloody well entitled to see Sarah’s Wimbledon strawberries” said factory worker Paul Manning 52 from Hereford. “I even missed the ten minute freeview, coz my mate Derek tweeted that Stirk was going into the shot centre for ten minutes at 11pm”.

The Sky statement read:

stirkWe apologize unreservedly for the navy dress Sarah wore during last nights broadcast, through which no nipples were visible. This was due to a wardrobe malfunction. However we do intend to rectify this during our US Masters coverage and assure viewers that plenty of bridge rivets will be on show, both from Sarah and special guest Colin Montgomerie. We promise to have the heating system in the studio completely shut off.  3D viewers are asked to be extremely cautious.

More as it emerges. No pun intended.

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