MEXICO CITY— At a hastily arranged press conference this morning, the jailed leader of Mexico's Sinaloa cartel Joaquín Guzmán Loera announced that they are removing Dustin Johnson from their Christmas card list this year.

"We normally drop around to all our customers in early December with a card signed by all the foot soldiers and a cheap bottle of red wine, just to say 'thanks' for the business all year, but when Anne who works in the office told us that the Dustin account had dropped to pretty much zero, we decided to take him off the gift list," said Guzmán Loera. The lads here are all fairly disappointed."

"We've gotten to know all the Johnson family pretty well over the years, they've all spent time down here with us in Culiacán at some stage. We've even held Wayne Gretzky hostage here for four weeks last year. He's a really funny guy with some great stories."

Leaders of the rival Gulf and Tijuana cartels have also confirmed that they are following suit and will not be sending Johnson a 2015 wall planner.

A DEA investigation has so far determined that up to 50,000 cartel foot soldiers are killed every Christmas in inter gang rivalries whilst trying to deliver bottles of wine and wall planners.

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