The European Tour were said to be "baffled and bemused" this morning as the top 108 players on the Russian Open leaderboard appear to have mysteriously vanished from their various hotels across Moscow overnight.

Several bloodstains were found in the rooms from which the players disappeared.

Russian President Vladamir Putin, who is due to present the winners trophy on Sunday evening said "It looks like the players may have suffered nosebleeds from the beauty of the city and our clean air and have merely popped out to visit a pharmacy. There is no need for alarm, our pharmacies can prove difficult to locate.  However I should point out, that if those players do not turn up for their tee times today, the European Tour will have to promote those players lying from 109th and below to the top of the leaderboard.  In such a case we extend every good wish to our Russian comrade Vladimir Osimov who would be leading the tournament.

More as it emerges.

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