The Inland Revenue Service have today launched an investigation after a barrel containing $5 million in used cash notes was found by a walker on land being rented by Phil Mickelson.

Authorities have since identified another 50 locations on the 100 acre California farm where it is thought cash might be buried.

The 45 year old PGA Tour legend was quick to refute any suggestion of impropriety, claiming the money is for use as tips and paying to impoverished rookies.



"Hey shoot me; I like to give away money to my people!" Mickelson told a hastily arranged press conference in San Francisco today.  "I carry about $80,000 bucks in my wallet at all times so it's just easier to have Poison or one of my men go to the farm to get  the cash as I need it. I don't trust banks."

The 2013 Open Champion went to describe how he gave away $65,000 dollars yesterday.

"I dropped $8,000 on a lady who picked up her dog's poop because she was being a conscientious citizen of the USA", Mickelson said.  I gave the server at Chuck E Cheese a $12,000 tip after he sensed I wanted bacon on my burger even though I didn't ask for it. I gave $40,000 to two 6-year old little girls selling lemonade on the street because I was thirsty. I want them to set up a manufacturing facility and bring employement to the great State of California. And then I took pity on this broke young golfer kid called Ryan Fluffy or something and let him win. That cost me $5,000. So you see it's all 100% legit."
Mickelson the ended the press conference early saying "Send me to prison if you want. But I'm building it first!"

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