As part of the BBC Christmas schedule announced today, R&A chief Peter Dawson is set to reprise the role of host of the hit game show Blankety Blank held for many years by his late brother Les.
Speaking to reporters outside television centre whilst trying to stop a blue skittle falling out the side of his mouth Dawson said “I’m really happy to be taking over from Les, even if it is for just for a one off Christmas special. Our younger brother Matt, the ‘Question of Sport’ guy, has been really great at helping show me how to act like a complete fanny on TV.”
New BBC director general Worzel Gummage who took over from the guy who knew Jimmy Saville was kiddie fiddling for years and said nothing about it said “We’ve been trying to get Peter to do this for ages. He’s really well known for entertaining gentlemen in the private members bar at St Andrews with his impromptu gurning displays when all the pole dancing finishes around 2am.”
Dawson agreed to do the Special after the BBC said he could personally choose the six celebrity panellists who will help with the traditional fill-in-the-blank statements.
“Obviously we needed someone funny looking so I chose Mike Davis from the USGA. Someone drove a flymo down the middle of that guys head, it’s hilarious! We needed a know-it-all: Ewan Murray, a complete and utter bullshitter who himself is completely oblivious to the fact: Bruce Critchley, a really good looking woman: Laura Davies, someone who can talk the hind legs off a donkey: Padraig Harrington and someone who just looks really really pale and creepy but who you cant help feeling sorry for: Robert Lee.
“I’ve been busy working on questions all week,” the portly frontman said out of the corner of his mouth. “So far I’ve come up with
‘Did you catch a glimpse of Colin Montgomerie on the tee? He has to have the world's biggest pair of _________.’
‘I met Keegan Bradley yesterday. He wanted to shove his belly putter so far up my _________________ I’d be tasting grip for a week.’
Contestants on the Christmas Special are set to be wealthy businessmen flown in from Asia and The Emirates. In a subtle tweak to the original show, when presented with the Blankety Blank cheque book and pen, they will be required to fill in the cheques and present them back to the European Tour. The biggest cheque wins.
The Blankety Blank Christmas Special will be shown on Christmas Day on BBC1 before Cat hits gouged in the face with a broken bottle in Eastenders and Del Boy and Rodders do Batman and Robin in Only Fool ‘n Horses.