After the week from hell in which his character was assassinated by the media, things may be on the up for Patrick Reed after international chocolatier Willy Wonka came to the pilloried golfer's defense.

Speaking to golf reporters outside his factory in England today, Wonka recounted Reed's visit when he was 10 years old, praising him for returning a prototype Everlasting Gobstopper the company were working on at the time.

"Yes, little Pat was quite the handful, shooting his mouth off with his holster and toy guns," Wonka told Rex Hoggard of the Golf Channel, "But he was no worse than any other child we've had at the factory." "He jumped into the chocolate river which meant that had to be drained causing a six week world shortage of Scrumdiddlyumptious Bars, and he and his Grandfather stole Fizzy Lifting drinks; but hey, they all do that," laughed Wonka.

The mysterious confectioner described reports in a new book that Reed had beaten up a fellow classmate and stolen his 'golden ticket' to gain entry to the Wonka Plant as "highly unlikely" and possibly spun by golf bloggers who he described as living in "a world of pure imagination."

Wonka also called claims by sworn enemy Arthur Slugworth that he has an eight minute Wonkavision video of Reed shoving an Oompa Loompa up the Golden Egg Laying Goose's ass, "the ramblings of a bitter old man hell bent on uncovering the secrets of our technology."

Reaction on the whole to Wonka's press conference has been positive except for influential golf blogger Penelope Wee who says she wont be changing her mind about Patrick Reed "until Jason Day says I can."

"I wouldn't trust a word that comes out of the mouth of a man who misrepresents himself to young children as a half cripple only to flip into a head first tumble the wildcat like some Olympic gymnast," Wee said in her golf blog WeeInTheHole.com. "Wonka has made exploiting children's character weaknesses for comedy gain an art form."

Where this story will send for Patrick Reed no one is knowing, It looks like it will keep on going and going for some time.

Share To:

GolfCentralDaily

Uncensored, independent, inside the ropes Tour golf news and spoofs from the world's best golf blog!

Post A Comment:

0 comments so far,add yours