The European Chainsaw Operators Association have called on EU Government ministers to ban lads like Jamie Donaldson after he nearly cut off his own finger last week.

"Chainsaws are probably one of the safest tools you can imagine," said ECOA President Chip Trunk. "Then a lad like Mister Donaldson with a Tommy Hilfiger lumberjack shirt tries to be a swamp logger.  We are calling for a lifetime ban on lads like Mister Donaldson and are asking the European Court of Justice to enforce an order barring his kind from coming with 100 metres of a saw."

It is widely believed the injury occurred after Donaldson received a tip from Greg Norman. Witnesses say he was holding it by the wrong end when it "suddenly started up."




More as it emerges.


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Get well soon Jamie! #satire
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