Love. Wives bad for Tour.
Virginia Water: At a small reception at Euro Tour headquarters this morning chief press executive Ed Napelley presented a special Waterford Crystal bowl to Stefan Gruber, the 1000th player to get a divorce since the inception of the Tour in 1972.

"I'm delighted that we've reached the Divorce milestone and honoured that Stefan is the 1000th man to get his marching orders," said Napelley.  "I've seen him in action in the short time I've been here and the horny bastard would get up on a crack on a plate.  He is a truly amazing cheating skilled person and deserves a divorce.  Now he can play a lot more golf out here on Tour and bang anything that moves guilt free."
On Tour late at night a player has needs. And all players needs MUST be met.
Napelley went on to explain the Tour's bizarre stance as regards welcoming divorce.

"You've heard the phrase 'Too many dicks on the dancefloor' right?" he explained.
"For ease of explanation let's call our European Tour players dicks and our caddies pussies okay? Well our Tour dancefloor is full of dicks, and we all know dicks are absolutely useless without pussies. And out here our dicks need pussies constantly.  Sometimes the dicks swap around the pussies,  but that's okay. As long as they keep playing our Tour. 
 But what we certainly cannot have is nagging wives getting in the way of our dicks and pussies.  Yes wives are going to be jealous when their dicks spend five weeks away from home with some other pussies. Other wives want to bring their dicks to play in America.  And when a wife gets in the way of our dicks and pussies doing what they love to do out here on Tour, it means less revenue for us.  Let's call us arseholes
Dicks don't like us arseholes. Wives hate arseholes. Pussies and arseholes operate alongside each other but serve a completely separate function.  But on a Tour like ours, which is full of dicks, it's us arseholes who those dicks turn to when they have wife problems.  We hate doing it, but we arseholes serve a vital purpose on Tour.  And our lives, and the lives of the dicks and pussies out here would be a damn site less complicated without wives. 
More as it emerges.


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