Muirfield. No women. Except to cook and clean the place.
THE news that Muirfield Golf Club has voted to ban women completely from setting foot in the place forever, except to do the cooking and cleaning, has been met with sighs of resignation from a group of society golfers who had booked greens fees on the fabled Scottish links today but decided to cancel at the last minute or they’ll never hear the end of it.

Muirfield Golf Club is this morning about as popular as OJ Simpson was, cowered in the back of a white Ford Bronco pick-up truck, in a slow speed chase down a freeway in 1994.

"We've decided to cancel the trip to Muirfield as we all have wives at home," said Chairman of The Loose Lads Golfing Society Dick Leathersack. "Whatever slim chance we would ordinarily have of a bit of action when we get home would be well and truly extinguished if we played there."

Leathersack went on to say he had his reservations about bringing the society to Muirfield, even before the vote on banning women.

"I'm also very much opposed to their stance on green fees," he said. "Some guy answered the phone and when I asked him for a group reduction he told me 'it's £220 each or get stuffed'.  You know, if it was a bird taking the call, you could probably sweet talk her into a discount." 

More as it emerges.

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