Tour players extending dump time to go on facebook and twitter becoming a Major problem.
Baltusrol:- On the opening day of the PGA Championship rules officials are again in the spotlight after a referee threatened to award a two shot penalty to a player he deemed was taking too long to use the toilet.

Whilst himself waiting to have a crap in the port-a-potty adjacent to the 12th tee box, Chief referee Slugger White suspected a player (as yet unnamed) of extending past the Tour's normal pooing time and spending an extra 8 minutes checking facebook and twitter on his phone.

"My suspicion was aroused when I tweeted 'Slugger White is Dying for a Shite but the crapper is occupied' and it was immediately liked and retweeted by a player with a smiley face, a clock symbol, a turtle's head symbol and the hashtags #inside and #touchingcloth" said White. I immediately retweeted the two finger symbol and the hashtag #ontheclock before I had to rush away to find another loo before my ass exploded.

The matter was later taken up by PGA of America President Dereks Prague at his press conference.

"Everybody knows that shitting time is now facebook and twitter checking time but there's a growing problem we need to address," said Prague "and I'm not talking about smearing potentially toxic faecal bacterial matter all over your phone.  There was a time when taking a dump in the player's locker room toilets was one of THE most unpleasant experiences known to man but now the guys are actually happy to endure each others stench just to multitask taking the browns to the superbowl and catching up on their social media. If players don't get off the toilet and get off twitter this tournament will have to extend to #Monday."

More as it emerges. Not literally.


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