Nike have confirmed that they are to purchase TaylorMade Golf and all of it's subsidiaries in a deal worth $1.5 billion, it was announced today.

Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny welcomes TaylorMade to Ireland and tells them "he'll look after them."
Nike CEO Matt Parker broke the news alongside Irish Premier Enda Kenny on their way into a Thai sweatshop this morning.

Asked whether we can expect to see Rory McIlroy and Tiger Woods with TaylorMade equipment next season Parker told reporters "I'll tell you what we can expect. We can expect to be paying absolutely no tax whatsoever in Ireland. Isn't that fantastic news! But that has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on our decision to move to Ireland."

Under the new Nike management, TaylorMade are set to introduce 52 new drivers in 2017, one for every week of the year.  This represents a 50% drop from 2016 when TaylorMade released 104 new drivers.

It is widely expected that the Nike logo will not appear on any TaylorMade clubs after the acquisition, as Nike is widely associated with producing absolutely shite equipment.

This afternoon Parker appeared on Bloomberg TV wearing an Irish Leprechaun outfit.

“Ah sure begosh and begorrah, and to bejaysus, aren't we only going to set up our HQ at the end of the rainbow in a business park in Dubin, and watch the profits slide down the multicoloured tax loopholes into our pot of gold” Parker concluded.

More as it emerges.

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