Jim Furyk ordered all of his team that were absolutely hungover to bejesus or still pissed as farts to wear sunglasses after the transatlantic Team USA flying niteclub landed in Paris for the Ryder Cup yesterday, GCD can exclusively reveal.

"Right lads I've a box of sunglasses here," said Furyk walking down the aisle of the 747 as it commenced its descent into Paris. "Anyone who's still bananas or has a thumpin' Budweiser headache pick a pair and put them on.  We don't want them bastard Europeans to think we had any fun. Fun means weakness and we never show weakness."

Guess who's hammered!

Cabin staff on the flight revealed to reporters that, while the party was a little slow to get going, when the lads got well and truly pissed, the craic was mental together.

"It was rocking for a good while," said Captain Tom Harper, pilot of the flight. "There was a spell there in the middle where that unbreakable bond, that only comes with being well and truly shitfaced drunk, was formed with a massive pile up on top of Tiger and Stricker down the back.  Mother of Jesus them boys can down beer like throwing it into a barrel of sawdust. Sure myself and my co-pilot Eddie joined the lads ourselves for a couple of hours.  There was a lad called Bryson that said he knew how to fly a jumbo jet so we let him at it."

The flight was not without incident however, as a sozzled Patrick Reed and Jordan Spieth briefly squared up to each other, but tensions were quickly eased as both men simultaneously released an exhalation of "USA USA", fell into an staggering embrace and then into seats 26D 26E and 26F.

"The cabin smells like beer and dope now, its in the carpet and everything" laughed Captain Harper, "but we have 25 minutes to get her turned around now before heading back so we should be sound!"

More as it emerges.



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