Worst Dressed Award:

Goes to John Daly and his “Loudmouth” gear. Daly’s girlfriend even had the same pattern on her skirt on day one; quick as a flash Mark James on the Beeb remarked “there wasn’t much fabric left over”. With his gastric band still holding firm, isn’t Daly starting to look very deflated, kind of like a party balloon that’s been lying in the corner for a week?

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Coolest Ball Award

Japanese wonder-kid Ryo Ishikawa has his own cartoon image on his Srixon Z-star. They call him the “beautiful prince” in Japan but I’m sure I spotted a few zits on those Royal cheeks. The wheels came off the chariot on Friday.

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Cancel That Bus Pass Award:

Fifty nine year old Tom Watson produced the kind of golfing miracle that puts every dodgy tree stump into perspective. Watson re-introduced himself to a whole golfing generation who were not around during his first reign and gave hope to elder lemons everywhere. This was the kind of O.A.P. sporting magic that only golf and occasionally Mick Kinnane (albeit on a two year old) can produce.

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Best Dressed Award:

Ian Poulter on day one. Poults earns more money on his clothing line than on his golf game and saves his best outfit for The Open. Okay, he did look dapper in his Union Jack attire, but surely the Poultergeist is alienating a vast proportion of his prospective market (i.e. Ireland, Afghanistan, Australia etc) by wearing the livery of the aggressor. The Jack was only flying at half mast after missing the cut.

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Best Advertising Idea Award:

With the R&A famously anally retentive when it comes to advertising at The Open, I think the guy who thought of sailing a Yacht with “Boss” emblazoned on the sails between the 9th and 10th tees should get a large pay rise. It sailed on an endless one mile circuit and got more airtime than the Autoglass Repair guy. Whats next, The Green Dragon in a puddle outside The Dome?

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Best Kidnap Award:

What can you do to stop a German who has won on tour for the previous two weeks? Well if you’re Alvaro Quiros and Gonzalo Fernandez Castano, you can invite Martin Kaymer out for a friendly fourball, trap him in a net and stick him in the boot of a car. The plan was foiled however when Monty showed up and paralysed the kidnappers with his death-stare.

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The Uri Geller Award:

Goes to the SpinDoctor who correctly predicted Tiger’s demise in last weeks “bloggy”. What I didn’t predict was the firing of clubs and more “God Dammit’s” than Basil Fawlty trying to sober up his chef. Cutting back on Tiger was one of the key recommendations of the Board Snip Nua. And hey, besides Gary Lineker and the thousands of people who put their 100% mortgage on him, does anyone really care? Ahhhhh, no.

Best Irish Performance Award:

Goes to Kenichi Kuboya. Okay well technically he’s not Irish but in the absence of a Paddy on the leaderboard, young Kenichi was adopted by the legions of Irish visitors as one of their own. Every time the Japanese sunk a putt the Irish throng would yell “Up Ya-boy-yaaaaa”!

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