Tour players and golf executives from the Callaway golf company held a series of meetings late last night in an effort to unlock the secret of Rory McIlroy’s golf grip.  A key new piece of evidence emerged in the past few days when McIlroy (contracted to rival company Titleist) posted a picture of his blistered fingers following practice.  It is thought Callaway golf scientists are aiming to recreate the exact McIlroy grip and finger tension on the club by extracting the blister pattern and inputting it into a complex software algorithm developed by homing pigeons.

Titleist executives in Fairhaven were last night sad to be “closely monitoring developments by Callaway scientists”.

Early simulations of the McIlroy grip were tested yesterday by Callaway staff testing pros in California and led to a number of injuries. One player lost a thumb after attempting to emulate “Rors” driver grip whilst another’s eyebrow inexplicably went up in flames.

“It’s pretty dangerous work but we are quietly hopeful of having the McIlroy grip ready to roll out in Abu Dhabi next week.  Alvaro Quiros has expressed an interest in using it” said a Callaway designer today before adding “we’ve also gleaned some other vital information from the McIlroy photo regarding nobbily knees which we hope to put in action on Tour very very soon”.

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Donal Hughes

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