ron flash It’s time for the razzies of the US Masters folks, the fifth annual Green Jacket Awards. So lets get straight down our host Ron for

Best Patron’s Ticket Story Involving Dog Puke Award

ticketx-inset-community Goes to Seattle man Russ Berkman whose four tickets to The Masters were eaten by his Swiss mountain dog called Sierra. Panicking, he rang his girlfriend who offered the advice “You gotta make the dog puke”. Quick thinking Berkman then mixed hydrogen peroxide (that is bleach to you and me) and water and gave it to the dog. Needless to say poor Sierra wretched up the entire contents of her newly whitened stomach pretty quickly. Amongst the debris lay the mangled remnants of the four tickets. There was to be a happy ending though. After phoning a local radio station with the story and explaining it to the people at Augusta, Russ got his tickets reprinted. It is unclear whether Sierra’s stomach will ever recover after being horribly bleached, but sure wasn’t it worth it seeing her master toddle to the Masters!

Best Injury Award

dustin johnson Goes to Dustin Johnson, forced to sit out the tournament having injured his back “lifting a jet ski”. Now it’s a well known fact that DJ is quite the athlete, an Olympic standard swimmer and a top quality basketball player, but lifting a jet ski? First of all we have ‘wounded knee man’ Tiger Woods, injured playing with the Navy Seals, now it seems we have a part time weightlifter who likes to bench press unusually shaped items. Like jet skis. Surely Dustin should leave that to fellow superheroes like The Incredible Hulk or Superman and maybe just stick to golf in future.

Shot Of The Week Award

louis two We have joint winners! Nobody, in the history of the Masters had ever shot an albatross on the par five second hole until Louis Oosthuizen on Sunday. What a shot it was and what a time to produce it. However if you like your miracle shots intentional try Phil Mickelson’s amazing flop shot to 15 in round three. "No one hits that shot. No one," CBS' David Feherty said. "If this doesn't make every hair on your body stand up you need therapy. Nobody but Mickelson even thinks about trying a shot like that. Landed it like a sack of flour."

The Foot In Mouth Award

Traditionally goes to the TV commentator who comes out with the most nonsensical line and this year we had a doozy! Colin Montgomerie, uncomfortable being in the presence of other humans at the best of times, came out with this epic piece of random on the Sky telecast! And I quote
“You never put the floodlights in the way that the Sun’s going to shine in the shadow and they’ve done that on ten there”
What’s that Monty? Floodlit golf and sun shining in shadows? Think you’ve been out in the Sun too much old boy!


Worst Shot Of The Week Award

Phil Mickelson began the day one shot off the lead but the 220 yard par three fourth hole hit a shocker from the tee, which banked off a grandstand and disappeared into the trees. The two ill thought backhand stabs that followed seemed totally uncharacteristic from Lefty and saw him sign for a triple bogey six which effectively end his chances for another year.

Best Bit Of Business Award

During the Masters tournament Padraig Harrington was a mission to raise funds for a relative, Gerard Byrne, who was paralysed in an accident. With the agreement of his normal sponsors, Podge offered to put three new logos on his shirt and hat for a three week period to three companies, Identity X, Clune Construction and, who donated to the charity fund. Harro went on to win the par three contest and have best Major performance in years. How’s that for exposure!

Best Secret Weapon Award

Goes to Peter Hanson who revealed he received inspiration for his fine Masters performance from LPGA star Yani Tseng. The pair are under the tutelage of Gary Gilchrist since late last year and regularly practise together in Orlando. "I think it helps for him to have someone like Yani who is so superior in ladies golf," Hanson said, "maybe [I] feed off that a little bit. I've been practicing a lot with her.”

Best Tantrum Whilst Proving Your Knee Is Fine Award

clip_image016Five time winner in this category Sergio Garcia was pipped by Tiger Woods who celebrated Easter by proclaiming aloud “Jesus” and “Christ” all around the hallowed Augusta turf. Woods eventually blow his top completely on the sixteenth, throwing his club to the ground and kicking it for good measure. Nick Faldo said "I think we can officially say Tiger has lost his game . . . and his mind."
Woods later apologized but it’s thought he faces disciplinary sanctions and a fine from the PGA Tour.

Worst Dressed Award

Sebastian Vettel lost the Australian Grand Prix at the weekend and I think I know why. Ian Poulter had stolen his shoes! The normally reliable fashionista got it all wrong this year with this, dressed in the dark, number. Poults has done the tartan trousers thing to death at this stage, like a song you used to love, but now drives you insane. Lucky for Poults, he let his game get the limelight, and wow how it shined!

Happy To Be Here Award

“See you at the Senior Open!” was what Tom Watson said to 54 year old amateur Randal Lewis as he shook his hand following their practice round. Lewis, a financial adviser from Michigan got an invitation to the Masters after winning the U.S. Mid-Amateur tournament in September. He even passed over the chance of sleeping in the famous Crows Nest accommodation because he was afraid the breathing machine that helps his sleep apnea would freak out his roommates. He missed the cut on 15 over but will always have his framed invitation to the Masters, which now proudly hangs in his hall.

Best Weapon Disguised As Something Pink Award

Here’s a close up of Bubba Major championship winning driver.The 8.5-degree G20 has "Made Exclusively for Bubba," written on the crown. It measures 44.5 inches and includes a pink True Temper Grafalloy Bi-Matrix shaft and Ping 703 Gold grips. Mere mortals wont be able to use this club, but watch out for them soon in shops. These pink treats will be sold by the bucketload!

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