In his Christmas address released yesterday Tour Chief George O’Grady was scathing in his criticism of Spanish golfers, warning them to speak like normal human beings or get the hell off his Tour.  Dressed in a light manuelblue office shirt with the sleeves rolled up to portray an air of doing something other than farting around all day O’Grady said  “Don’t get me wrong, I love Spanish golfers; they are flamboyant, strong and skilful, they just speak their own language at a million miles an hour and then are just rubbish at English.”

“Any man who says ‘JOO’ instead of ‘YOU’ deserves to be kicked in the arse,” continued O’Grady. “That’s basic stuff you might learn on the first day at school, yet they all still go around saying ‘joo this’ an ‘joo that’ and it’s getting on my wick.  I swear to God that upstart Larrazabal is just doing it now to piss me off.”

“From January 1st, all Spanish golfers found substituting the words ‘Joo’ for ‘You’ and ‘Percaps’ for ‘Perhaps’ can feck off and start their own Tour coz they’re not playing on mine.”

More as it emerges. 

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Donal Hughes

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