Renegade Blue Oyster Regulars Ready For Backs To The Wall Action At Q School

Sick and Tired of living off the fame of being extras in the hit Police Academy films, handlebar moustachioed Peter O’Keefe and Mark Murphy are set for a tilt at European Tour Q School tomorrow.

“If we make it we make it so there’s zero pressure” said O’Keefe, “We’re definitely not going to give up the lifestyle of luring lithe young men into the Blue Oyster for a waltz by night. How could we?”

Speaking to reporters as he packed enough fudge into the bag for the week caddie Mark Murphy said “We’re doubly adaptable, golf hats by day, mock leather police hats and truncheons by night.”

Commenting on the rigours of Q School O’Keefe said “If you think Tour school is a pain in the ass, you’ve obviously never popped in to the Blue Oyster!” 

Best of luck boys!

 

Technorati Tags: European Tour Q School 2012,Peter O'Keefe,Mark Murphy

Paul McGinley’s Sky Sports Career In Serious Jeopardy After Rules Breach

Just days after assuming a new career as an analyst for Sky Sports Golf, Paul McGinley finds himself on the brink of dismissal by the broadcasting giant after breaking one of their golden rules.

Nearing the end of the coverage from the second round at the DP World Championship, a slouched McGinley was seen on camera appearing to lean on the silver rail of the fake set.  An extremely large breasted woman wearing shades who spotted the incident, reported it immediately to the broadcasting complaints commission.

It’s widely known in TV circles that Sky analysts receive weeks of intensive training in perfecting the art of glancing into the camera and standing upright without the aid of props or rails.  Slouching or touching the silver rail is strictly forbidden under Sky broadcasting Health and Safety rules since an incident three years ago which saw Howard Clark fall out of the set and injure his head.  Many say that, due to his injuries, Clark still isn’t as depressed as he was before the accident.

A team of workers have been brought in to reinforce the hand rail, made of recycled plastic tubing.

An investigation is also underway as to whether McGinley’s broadcast training was somewhow ‘fast tracked’ to avoid an appearance at the event by Colin Montgomerie, the deeply unpopular Scot who says “uh uh uh” before during and after every sentence.  Experts claim that McGinley “didn’t stare lovingly into the camera to make us feel included in the conversation even once during the whole broadcast.”

Speaking from the Wisley Golf Club where he is appearing as Santa for the next month, regular Sky analyst Denis Pugh said “I really feel for Paul, he was doing so well up to that. It only takes a seconds lapse in concentration to give the appearance to viewers that you couldn’t really give a shite whether Gonzalo Castano putts with his right hand over his left or vice versa.”

A decision is set to be made in the next few hours as to whether McGinley will continue in his role.  John Hawkesworth is said to be on standby at the old folks home should he be required.

 

Technorati Tags: Paul McGinley,Sky Sports,Funny Story,Denis Pugh

Q School Hopeful Sensationally Ditches Paolo Nutini In Bid To Get European Tour Card

Scottish, sounds older than he actually is, singer Paolo Nutini is waking up this morning minus one high profile fan as Irish professional golfer David Higgins revealed he had deleted him from his ipod on the eve of one of the biggest tests of his career.  Higgins will now attempt to qualify for the European Tour through Q school starting tomorrow without the help of the dentally defective folk crooner.

The skinny Scottish songster told reporters he was coping with the rejection, saying “I’ve got food in my belly and a licence for my telly, so everything is gonna be alright.”

Higgins, who, according to wikipedia, turns 40 at the end of the month will then be certifiably medically too old to listen to Nutini and has thus sought out other musical genres in a bid to help him cope with the rigours of Tour School.

“I’m going with ‘The Lumineers’ this week because I feel can keep me chilled,”  the Bernhard Langer dopple-ganger told a packed press conference at PGA de Catalunya. 

The European Tour met yesterday in emergency session to ratify The Lumineers as conforming music for players aged forty and over. They join  Enya, ABBA and Leonard Cohen on the exclusive list.

Speaking from their new base in Denver Colorado where they are busy working on their second album, The Lumineers lead singer and guitarist Wesley Schultz said “we’re delighted to be on David’s ipod this week, everyone knows Tour School is a complete pain in the arse so we’re determined to keep our guy super chilled with a blend of vocals drums, percussion, mandolin and of course cello.

The Dave Matthews Band, who were widely tipped to take over from Nutini on Higgins ipod are said to be “inconsolable” and declined to comment.

 

Technorati Tags: david higgins funny story

Video: The 5 Best Flop Shots In The World Ever

5. The Alex Noren 4-Iron Flip Flop

4. The Phil Mickelson Backwards Shot

Master Clubmaker Katsuhiro Miura Reveals He Just Doesn’t Have Time To Make Everyone’s Clubs

Master clubmaker and first cousin of legendary sword maker Hattori Hanzo, Katsuhiro Miura appealed today for major golf companies to leave him alone and start making their own clubs.

Miura has claimed he is constantly pestered by representatives from Titleist, Callaway, TaylorMade and Nike who continually try to gain to access to his home in the Hyogo Prefecture of Japan.  “I caught the Titleist guy climbing up the drainpipe last night and two lads from Nike knocked over the bins the other morning and woke the kids.  One ran off with a half eaten sandwich and some rotten lettuce”.

Totally refuting suggestions that he made the irons for all of the world’s top golfers whose club sponsors then stick their own labels on with sellotape, Miura said “That’s complete and utter bullshit. I didn’t make Snedekers.”

“Do you honestly think I hand craft every players clubs, while the other 350 guys in our massive factory sit around and scratch their arses? You’ve been reading too much Golf Digest son.”

 

Technorati Tags: Miura funny story

Near Naked Ian Poulter Unveils Controversial 2013 IJP Collection In Burj Al Arab Car Park

While Graeme McDowell and Kristin Stape were on the helipad atop the Burj Al Arab in Dubai yesterday, Ian Poulter was gathering a crowd of his own as he staged an impromptu fashion show.

Poults was unveiling the controversial new IJP 2013 collection with it’s patented new ‘ergonomic’ design.  The company claim the minimal IJP 2013 Masters Collection allows for zero restriction during the golf swing and has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with massive cost saving measures after depressing 2012 sales figures.

“We had to think outside the box, no pun intended,” chief designer Ian Poulter told reporters. “When we started we were revolutionary, now everybody’s selling a pair of circus trousers.  We tried to copyright the tartan idea a few back, I cant really remember the full details but it turned out some Morris guy in Scotland had the patent since around 1900.”

The new 2013 IJP collection should be available in all sex shops from January.

 

Technorati Tags: Ian Poulter funny story,2013 IJP Collection

GMac Facing Life Of Marriage Hell After Subtle Break Up Comments Get Horribly Misconstrued

Graeme McDowell finds himself in hot water this morning as he wakes up to the real possibility of having to spend a lifetime with girlfriend Kristin Stape after his attempts to break up with her gently were horribly misconstrued. 

Instead of ending their relationship as planned in a quiet place atop the Burj Al Arab Hotel where nobody would be able to hear her crying,  GMac was shocked as Stape turned the tables, dropping to one knee ring in hand and proposed marriage as a marching band, friends and family streamed onto the rooftop.

“What the hell could I do” a shocked McDowell said afterwards adding “This has gone completely arseways. How in the name of God do I get out of this one?” 

Stape somehow misinterpreted McDowell’s recent strange behaviour including wanting to be left alone, going for pints with his mates and cryptic comments about their future; as signs that he was about to pop the question.  The former interior designer thought the fact that they didn’t go out for dinner, to the movies or with other couples to socialize anymore, meant that GMac was saving up for “one hell of a diamond.” 

“When he mentioned needing to make a ‘big decision soon’ and ‘wanting to explore new possibilities’, I knew there and then it time to book the wedding organizer.  I can’t wait I’m so excited”, said Stape.

”He kept saying ‘you deserve to be happy’ and ‘there’s no point waiting around for me’ so I decided if there’s no point waiting for him, I would get the question in first; I knew he would love that”.

"Graeme’s been mooching around saying he’d like to move back to Northern Ireland where his family and friends are," Stape said. "If that’s not the talk of a man whose planning to settle down for the long haul, I don’t know what is."

Stape revealed McDowell has not formally invited her to move back to Irish soil, in the event that he does move—an omission Stape attributes to his fears that she may not want to go.

"He’s such a dote, always thinking about me, he goes on and on about how I'd hate the cold weather and the constant rain in Portrush," Stape said. "It’s wonderful how he always puts me first, he should realize that I would follow him to the ends of Earth."

More as it emerges.

 

Only messin’ GMac, we love ya and wish you both long life and happiness!

Technorati Tags: Graeme McDowell Funny Story,Kristin Stape,GMac For Kartel

2012 DP World Tour Championship Betting Preview and Tips

DP WORLD TOUR CHAMPIONSHIP, DUBAI, Jumeirah Golf Estates, Dubai, United Arab Emirates 22 Nov 2012 - 25 Nov 2012

With the great and the good of the European Tour headed once again for the Greg Norman’s Earth Course in Dubai for the end of season bash we preview just who might be heading home with the lions share of the €8 million bonanza on offer.

Ian Poulter 14/1

The average winning score on the Earth Course over the three stagings of the event has been 18 under. With undulating bermuda greens well within the scope of the field, the real key here is Greens In Regulation. Enter Ian Poulter, third in the GIR stats over the season and with a game designed to feature here. Fourth in Lake Malaren a few weeks back and the winner at the WGC HSBC Champions in Shenzen all augur well for a tilt on a similar course this week.

After tying ninth here in 2009, Poults battled Robert Karlsson all the way in 2010, just losing out in a playoff. Surely has big chances this week.

Peter Hanson 20/1

Peter Hanson is responsible for each of the season highlights and lowlights for me. After the pain of being inexplicably benched by Captain Olazabal on the Saturday of the Ryder Cup, Hanson played the shot of the season on his way to winning the BMW Masters. From what can only be described as a gynaelogical lie plugged deep in the grassy lip of a greenside bunker, Hanson played an impossibly wonderful shot to set up victory. That was the big Swede’s second win of the season after the KLM Open in September. And even more impressively, Peter’s six top 10’s besides have included the Masters, the US PGA and two WGC events.

Here at Jumeirah Estates, Hanson tied 9^th in 2009 and tied 13th in 2010 before his best finish of fourth last season. He lead after a 64 in round one but rounds of 72 and 71 left him two much to do to catch eventual winner Alvaro Quiros, who incidentally didn’t make the field this season. Hanson is my nap of the week.

Lee Westwood 14/1

If every player is a gamble and there are no guarantees, then Lee Westwood’s case is that little bit more complex. For me it’s quite simple with Lee, if he putts well for four days, he wins or podiums, if not he doesn’t. It seems right now that stringing four solid rounds together is a problem; a round in the 60’s is followed next day by one in the 70’s. For instance a 61 recently in Shenzen was followed by a 72 to drop him to sixth at the WGC HSBC Champions.

There’s no doubting that Lee remains a big threat though after top fives at the Barclays and BMW Championship (2^nd) to end the PGA Tour season. Cruised to a six shot win here in 2009 and tied third the following season before a forgettable appearance last year. The question is can Westwood find his game this week? I believe from 14/1, it’s worth an each way flutter that he can.

Louis Oosthuizen 10/1

Regular readers will see no surprise in my tipping Louis Oosthuizen this week. If Poults is good at hitting greens, then Louis is the undisputed champion of the world in a category that is vital to contend here. Arrives rested after a three week stint in Asia where he was never outside the top six and indeed almost won in Singapore, narrowly missing out in a playoff to Matteo Manassero.

Played well here last year to finish sixth after a slow start. If Louis can get a first round 68 or better under his belt this week, he certainly has the game and the form to win.

Best Of The Rest

This is where the fun starts for the long odds glory seekers!

Shane Lowry has a magical golf game that is working so well of late that he has to be considered great each way value from 50/1. Following his win at the Portugal Masters, Shane can go out there this week relaxed after a holiday in the area with his best mates and just shoot for the stars. Tied for eighth last year on his first visit and finished second in the greens in regulation stats for the week. I wish him all the best.

Chris Wood 50/1 is enjoying a great end to his season after top 10’s in Singapore and Hong Kong where he produced a final round 63, his best of the season. His twitter followers will know that Chris has really put in a huge amount of work on his game of late, so it’s great to see it paying dividends. If confidence flowed like oil around Dubai, there will be nobody with more of it coursing through their veins than Chris this week.

Over the 100/1 bracket, the one name that jumps out at me is Joost Luiten at 125/1. He’s been in or around the top 30 in each of his last three events and so close to having a big week. Take his last appearance in Singapore for instance; Joost finished tied 29^th on one under after shooting a 76 on Sunday. Had he shot a 68 in round four, like he did in rounds two and three, he would have tied fourth. So there’s really very little between being an also ran and in the big money. Add into the mix that Luiten won the Iskander Johor Open this time last year and my belief in the 365 day form cycle and you just never know!!!!

Favourites

I rarely break the 10/1 rule in these tipping previews but you should be aware of the bookies favourites. Rory starts at 11/2 (87.7% chance statistically) but I feel the season is starting to take it’s toll on the great man, he really needs a rest. Luke Donald is 9/1 (84.6% chance statistically) and brings, as always form into the event, winning in Japan last week after two top threes at the Tour Championship and the BMW Masters. Donald was sublime here last year, steaming through the field after the poor opening round of 72 to climb into third.

Course Info

Length: 7675 yards

Greens: Tifeagle Bermuda grass, 2.5mm, stimp 12'

Fairways and rough: Bermuda grass overseeded with Rye

Rough height: semi 40mm, rough 70mm

Generally wide fairways, 102 bunkers, 20 lakes and two meandering streams.

Previous Top 10’s

2011

1QUIROS AlvaroESP-1968647067269€ 922,645

2LAWRIE PaulSCO-1765736667271€ 615,094

3DONALD LukeENG-1672686666272€ 359,832

4HANSON PeterSWE-1464727167274€ 276,794

5SCHWARTZEL CharlRSA-1369716867275€ 221,435

6MOLINARI FrancescoITA-1271686869276€ 170,291

6OOSTHUIZEN LouisRSA-1272676671276€ 170,291

8LOWRY ShaneIRL-1169706870277€ 143,933

8ROCK RobertENG-1168697169277€ 143,933

10LARRAZÁBAL PabloESP-1071687069278€ 127,325

2010

1KARLSSON RobertSWE-1465756767274€ 910,349

2POULTER IanENG-1469666970274€ 606,897

3QUIROS AlvaroESP-1372676967275€ 314,070

3WESTWOOD LeeENG-1369677168275€ 314,070

5MCILROY RoryNIR-1271726667276€ 218,484

6CASEY PaulENG-1170677169277€ 168,021

6MOLINARI FrancescoITA-1171676871277€ 168,021

8JAIDEE ThongchaiTHA-968696973279€ 147,477

9DONALD LukeENG-874676970280€ 131,090

9NOH Seung-yulKOR-866737467280€ 131,090

2009

1WESTWOOD LeeENG-2366696664265€ 830,675

2McGOWAN RossENG-1771666668271€ 553,781

3MCILROY RoryNIR-1568696967273€ 323,963

4HARRINGTON PadraigIRL-1468696968274€ 224,282

4OGILVY GeoffAUS-1470696867274€ 224,282

6NOREN AlexanderSWE-1370696769275€ 162,095

7GARCIA SergioESP-1271676969276€ 139,553

7SCOTT AdamAUS-1268736768276€ 139,553

9HANSON PeterSWE-1072716669278€ 114,633

9JIMÉNEZ Miguel AngelESP-1072686969278€ 114,633

9POULTER IanENG-1071746865278€ 114,633

 

Technorati Tags: 2012 DP World Tour Championship Betting Preview and Tips,2012 Dubai World Championship Betting Preview and Tips,Race To Dubai Final,2012 DP World Tour Championship Power Ranking,Paddypower Top Golf Tipster,Betfair golf tipster,top european tour tipster,who will win the 2012 DP world tour championship

Twitter Catches Cheating On LPGA Tour

I’m pretty sure that Sun Young Yoo didn’t set out to cheat or break the rules but this has to rank as one of the worst attempts  at dropping a ball you are likely to see. Maybe in the pressure of the situation, she just wasn't paying attention.
Viewers tweeted in and the player received a penalty.
The Golf Channel's commentary is very sympathetic to her, I probably wouldn't be. Have a look and make up your own mind on this one.

Jamie Sadlowski Wrecks A Simulator

Here's what happened when long drive champion Jamie Sadlowski had a go on the Golf Channel simulator. Watch out too for a guest appearance by Chumlee!