Anders Hansen today has joined crunch talks over the Ukraine crisis in a last ditch attempt to broker a deal to end the conflict.


Russian President Vladamir Putin had earlier accused German Chancellor Anglea Merkel and Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko of "wasting half the day talking about soccer."

"Merkel just kept jabbering on about how shit the Bundesliga has gone since Germany won the World Cup and that Jurgen Klopp seems to be losing his marbles, while Poroshenko was trying to remember whether Andriy Shevchenko was retired or not without looking up wikipedia," Putin said. "Hollande was in the corner crying over Thierry Henry; we got nothing done."


Putin welcomed Anders Hansen joining the talks describing him as "the most serious man in the world with a look that would stop a clock" and "someone I wouldn't want to wrestle with."

Hansen immediately took control of the meeting, banned all smiling and ordered the world leaders to open page 273 of their Minsk Deal workbooks.

 Spokesman for the Russian president, Dmitry Peskov, later described a deal as “imminent.”


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