At a packed press conference in Moscow this morning the Russian Golf Federation demanded answers as to why for years Russia conducted a really great state sponsored doping program for all their top sportsmen, except the golfers.

"Why are always the poor relation in golf?" asked Russian Golf President Ivor Nakanikenemov. "Everybody gets the very best of drugs, making agents, the lot, while we are lucky if we get the price of a snow shovel to dig out the course.  How are supposed to compete on a level playing field without the drugs? It's just not fair."

Nakanikenemov believes the Russian governments failure to include golf in an intricate web of doping and intimidation may have something to do with the time, 30 years ago, when he sank a tram-liner on the last to take five rubles off best friend Vladimir Putin in a nine hole skins match.  The pair have never spoken since.

"Look, I'm supposed to say 'we have some great young talent here' but the truth is we just stink at golf," Nakanikenemov said. I'll probably have some crazy radioactive isotope slipped into my vodka tonight and die a horrific painful death in about two weeks, but sure what the hell.  The young lads we have are very enthusiastic but they cant hit the ball out of their way for Orthodox God's sakes. Those guys are just crying out for a bit of doping to see how far they could get.  Sure even if it made them play a bit quicker, wouldn't that be a great bonus."

More as it emerges.

Join the GolfCentralDaily community on Facebook Here and on Twitter Here.
Share To:


Uncensored, independent, inside the ropes Tour golf news and spoofs from the world's best golf blog!

Post A Comment:

0 comments so far,add yours