At a hastily arranged press conference in Jerusalem this morning, former friend and confidante of Zach Johnson, Jesus Christ, said he was "disappointed and disgusted Zach sold out for the money."

The comments come on foot of The Open Champion's recent move from Titleist to billionaire Bob Parson's new PXG Xtreme brand.

"I mean come on, let's get real here, what the hell is PXG Xtreme?," shouted the bearded Nazarean.  "That sounds like a hemorrhoid cream?  What the hell happened to me and Titleist being Zach's rock, shield and all that stuff?"

Levitating above the media and speaking in tongues, Jesus went on to say "I'm so angry right now.  I baptised that boy in the God damn Acushnet river for God's sake and this is how he repays me?  Switching over to clubs with holes bored out by a drill?  I don't care what any billionaire says; I've had a few holes in me over the years and I'm telling you, they do not work."
Better times. Jesus always had Zach's back.


And with that Jesus ascended into the Heavens, shook his head and said "That's it. I'm 100% with Spieth now. Grand Slam. Just you watch."






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