Jesus. Can't help Zach Johnson today due to technically being dead.


Zach Johnson's bid to win the WGC Matchplay took a blow today when Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ declared he may not be able to be by his side for his knockout last 16 match against Rory McIlroy due to technically being dead.

Since switching back to the Johnson camp last Monday after a successful spell with Bubba Watson, Christ has guided the 2015 Open Champion to three impressive wins in the group stages at Austin Country Club. However serious doubts now exist as to whether the Son Of God will be able to take his place all around Johnson in today's crunch round of 16 match.

Speaking in tongues from Heaven Jesus spoke to reporters earlier.

"It's a difficult one really," Jesus said. "Crucified yesterday, technically dead all day today, up again tomorrow.  Good Friday actually turned out well for us as it happened.  Zach got the job done before 3pm, so I could head off to get the cross up to Golgotha with plenty of time to spare.  Today though I'm supposed to be dead so I'm kinda screwed. It wouldn't very believable if I was in Texas today helping Zach when I'm supposed to be in a tomb in the Middle East with a big rock rolled over the entrance.  Anytime after about 8am Sunday morning though I should be good to go again.  It's a bitch too that the one day I cannot help Zach he's playing Rory McIlroy. Typical!"

More as it emerges.

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