Robert Allenby announced this morning that he will retire from professional golf effective immediately, due to exasperation at how he is portrayed in the media.  The 48 year old Australian said the arrest of American swimmer Ryan Lochte at the Rio Olympics triggered his decision.

Robert Allenby says he's unhappy with his portrayal in the media.
Allenby told GCD  “I'm looking at fucking arseholes like that bleached headed swimmer Ryan Lochte getting all the headlines for kicking in a door and I've concluded It's getting harder and harder for old pros like me to be in the news these days. He's a choir boy compared to me mate.  Since the being bundled into the car thing getting kidnapped and having the lard beat out of me by hobo's outside the stripclub I'm finding it difficult to come up with crazier and crazier shit to get the headlines. I think I might have shot my bolt with that one. It was real David Blane stuff."

Allenby revealed how his latest bad boy stunt got little or no coverage.

"I sold my soul to the devil last week and had the exorcism filmed by the Skratch TV guys.  I did the levitation, spun my head around 360 degrees, projectile vomited green bile, the whole nine yards and it barely made the New South Wales Gazette's facebook page.  I'm tapping out mate.

More as it emerges.

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