Students at St. Andrews University have sobered up and are in lockdown mode for the next four days as the notorious European Tour pros swoop in for the Dunhill Links Championship and threaten to wreak havoc on their town.

St Andrews Students. In Lockdown.

Students Union President Rupert Sha-Billington-Windsor told reporters he was most worried about damage on Friday and Sunday nights.

"Look, we are all well used to being absolutely pissed 90% of the time and shagging any bird that moves but these Tour chaps are on a different level of debauchery altogether," said Sha-Billington-Windsor. "All regular student piss ups, parties and orgies will be cancelled for the next four days and we are advising everyone to stay indoors and just get hammered on cans instead.  The big worry on Friday night is that drunken angry Tour Pros who have just missed the cut will be travelling in packs around the town, acting like neanderthals and generally wrecking the fucking place. Last year they shagged all our girlfriends and left the town looking like the aftermath of a Ramsay Bolton invasion.  We are urging all the guys to stock up on Ben & Jerry's ice cream and Marley and Me DVD's to keep their birds indoors and hidden until next Monday at the earliest. It's the only way we'll survive this."

More as it emerges.

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