At a press conference in Kapalua this morning new PGA Tour Commissioner Jay Monaghan sensationally dropped dropped his pants to reveal a special scrotum enlarging suction pumping girdle which he intends to wear throughout his tenure.  The move is believed to be in response to Jason Day saying that he intends to play even slower in 2017.

Jay Monahan PGA Tour Funny
Jay Monaghan showing Jason Day the size he expects his ball to reach.
Monaghan's predecessor Tim Finchem oversaw the last slow play penalty on the PGA Tour in 1995 in a bloody incident which saw him lose both his own testicles.

"Are you listening Jason Day?" Monaghan shouted whilst gyrating his hips wildly causing his incredibly swollen scrotum to swing violently and wallop off his legs. "See these big hairy juicy sweaty balls? I'm going to rub them all over your face if you even dream of slowing down. Then when my huge balls are suffocating you.....then I'm going to fine you!" 

Sources for Nike are denying they have given Jason Day $10 million a year just to pay slow play fines.

More on this one as it emerges.

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