European and US Geology experts have warned that Thomas Pieters may be on the brink of a full scale eruption.

In a warning published today scientists monitoring Belgium's finest ever export say that a fissure was spotted on the north side of Pieters last week sending plumes of ash 12,000 to 13,000 feet into the air and that he may become extremely "active" in coming weeks.

"We noticed that Pieters has been walking around golf courses with a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle which gave us concern that a violent eruption might be close," said Chief Geologist Rupert Voller.

In response the PGA and European Tours have raised their warning level to "Status 1995 Colin Montgomerie" sending potential playing partners into panic.

Our biggest fear is that if Pieters erupts, a fast moving lava of molten misery could spew uncontrollably from the crack and we could end up with a another catastrophic natural disaster on the scale of Jeremy Clarkson or Van Morrisson.

Rescue teams are on standby, ready to airlift fellow pros, should the Belgian blow.

More as it emerges. No pun intended.

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