“Who the hell does he think he is coming in here and getting all brainy on us,” was the reaction of a long time member of the European Tour's all powerful Tournament Players Committee today to the induction of Peter Lawrie to their ranks. 

lawrie[5] The all powerful committee, previously known as the shorter European Tour Players Committee recently replaced Barry Lane and Richard Finch with the hyper intelligent Irishman.

The unnamed source inside the all powerful committee went on to say “Lawrie showed up in a suit, and had a laptop with Microsoft Word on it. A few of the caddies are saying he even knows how to use it.  We were getting along just fine deciding really important stuff like whose turn is it to wear white trousers this week until that skinny brainbox showed up at the top of the class.”

Lawrie, who studied Quantum Physics at University College Dublin didn’t take long to stamp his authority on the all powerful committee, immediately throwing a spanner in the  works of the 2014 Ryder Cup Captaincy debate.

“As someone who has yet to learn the workings of the committee, I have an entirely open mind ... but I might ask why is it only a two-horse race for the captaincy?” said the Dubliner peering out through a monocle and slamming a leather whip against a mahogany table.

”What is happening in America has really come out of the blue and maybe we'd need a third horse, a really big horse, to go up against Watson. I’m thinking Red Rum, Desert Orchid, Frankel or Shergar for European Captain. Are any of those still alive?  Hang on I’ll google them.”

The all powerful Players Committee are set to make an announcement on whether a third horse will be joining the Captaincy race after the 3.15 at Kempton tomorrow.


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