March 2012

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dustin johnson There was a flood of money for Dustin Johnson on the betting exchanges yesterday and nobody except those in his corner had any inkling that DJ was going to withdraw citing a back injury.

Johnson injured his back in practice and after consulting with experts announced to the media his withdrawal from the tournament.  Unlucky Johnson returned earlier this following knee surgery over the Christmas period. 

"First I have to apologize to the fans and sponsors. With heartfelt regret, I won't be playing in the Masters due to a tweaked back," Johnson tweeted.

The five-time PGA Tour winner has played in the Masters three times, finishing tied for 30th in 2009 and tied for 38th the past two years.


We’ve just unearthed some more massive McIlroy Masters marketing madness!

_53523844_baby2 IF RORY WINS YOU WIN

How would you like free membership for the year? Well, it could happen. Join Moyvalley Golf Club or New Forest Golf Club between now and 5pm Friday 6th April and if Rory McIlroy wins the Masters you will have your membership fees refunded. It's as simple as that. If Rory Wins You Win. Log onto www.moyvalleygolfclub.comor for more details.


‘LIKE’ the golfdublin facebook page between now and midnight next Monday the 9th or April and be in with a chance to win a  1 night stay in a luxury lake view room for two with a full Irish breakfast and golf for two on the The Faldo Championship Course.


by Ron Burgundy in Augusta Georgia:- Scot Paul Lawrie is said to only have a “slim” chance of being allowed to tee it up at The Masters after being ejected yesterday for acting like a tourist.  Green Jacketed members and one invited guest, Ryo Ishikawa, have scheduled a meeting for 6pm GMT, to discuss whether or not the Qatar Masters champ should be permitted to participate.

paul lawrie mastersA statement released by Augusta Chairman Billy Payne said “When we first noticed a man standing on the magnolias in the sacred Founder’s Circle we went right ahead and warned him to desist from interfering from the foliage.  When he replied with, and I quote, ‘aye shove it up yer arse ya wee bumstick, Om just tekkin a wee photo for the kedz tee see, I’ll nay be back here again, ya green prick’ we were left with no option other than to go right ahead and incapacitate him. A member of security delivered exactly one million volts to Mr Lawrie’s neck and he was removed from the property”.

ron flash Lawrie was immediately taken to the nearby Lyle Hospital but doctors were unable to establish if he had suffered any serious injuries. Chief consultant Todd Klan said “Mr Lawrie is slurring his words and looks to be in extreme discomfort, but I’m lead to believe that it quite normal for him.  Unfortunately nobody here speaks Scottish so it’s very difficult to communicate”.

More as it emerges.

clip_image002Cornflakes. I’ve had them pretty much every morning of my life, but you know what, I still look forward to a bowl at brekkie time. It’s the same with the Masters. We spend 51 weeks of the year criticizing how up their own asses they are at The Masters and the other enthralled by it. If golf were food then the host course Augusta National would be like the fine China, it spends the whole year safely behind presentation glass, but by golly when it comes out for its annual appearance the food upon it looks great.

Pic: Cabrera’s Green Jacket in the Champion’s Locker Room. Is it just me or has somebody mixed up the measurements with Charl Schwartzel??

To me, there’s something quite comforting about the quaintness of the Masters. To the non-golfer, it must just be plain weird. Here you have Augusta National which prides itself as being its own little socialist republic of golf, so to speak.

At first the Augusta National members of the 1940’s wore green jackets and had outstretched arms, to help direct the patrons around the course. Today they still wear green jackets and have outstretched arms, only now those arms are mostly used to clap each other on the back.

The boss is called a Chairman, as in Chairman Mao and the key qualifying criteria for this important role is having a descriptively entertaining name. Ex-chairman Hootie (and the Blowfish) Johnson has now been replaced by Billy Payne (in the ass). For one week of the year, Billy and the lads actually open the course and invite the world’s best to come and play; assuming of course they present the armed yellow hard hats at the gate with the correct credentials. Apparently it’s easier to get in to “Judean People’s Front” than the Masters but that’s what makes it all the more intriguing.

The lucky few who bought tickets in 1975, or badges as Billy calls them, get to be called ‘patrons’ and to watch the event. The chosen ones, i.e. who haven’t sold their badges to touts, get to look forward to a weekend of extreme hillwalking, being presented with “retail opportunities”, being herded around like sheep and generally not being allowed to touch anything.


At the end of the event, Chairman Mao, er Billy sits in an incredibly small room, called the Butler Cabin beside an American football commentator called Jim and after some heavily scripted ad libbing makes the exact same speech year after year. He then congratulates the new champion, fakes surprise and says “and I think I hear him coming now!”. That’s the cue for the champ to be pushed in from behind the camera to undergo the initiation ceremony of getting to wear his very own green jacket that’s three sizes too big and doesn’t match his golf shirt. Why don’t the third round leaders ever wear something that goes well with green, I always ask myself? Where was I? Ah yes, the Butler Cabin. Did you know if was named after the Irish carpenter who spent a half day building it?

For all its careful choreography and staleness, the Masters has moved with the times in the one area you would have expected never to change. The course. Augusta is constantly undergoing tweaks, whenever Aldila bring out a new shaft, Billy shoves the tees back five yards. And the greens there are faster than anywhere. They kind of start off like like Olazabal’s stubble. The staff cut them at some ungodly hour like 4am and then give them another “freaky” at 7am just before play. To the unitiated, a “freaky” is another, tighter, cut, like shaving in the wrong direction, which makes them ultra slick. So if they start like Ollie’s face, and end up like Mannassero’s!

So bring it on I say, I think I’ll watch it with a bowl of Cornflakes. In a china bowl, of course.


When you hear players talking about Augusta playing longer than other courses it’s not just plain yardages they are speaking about.  The greenkeeping staff at Augusta National purposely mow every fairway from green back to tee, so that every blade of grass is always running against the player.

fairway mowers at augusta That ensures the ball does not run out nearly as much as at a normal PGA Tour event.  It penalises the shorter hitters hard, but some longer hitters say it actually helps them.  In an article published recently Geoff Ogilvy says the grass running against the player makes some landing areas effectively “wider” off the tee, knowing that the ball will not run far from the landing zone.

Where being against the nap of the grass hurts most though is around the greens, and every player in the field will be faced with their fair share of greenside chips.  Anything short of the perfect strike with the grass lying against you will result in a duff, flubb or a chilli dip.

Overcompensate and you hit the ball too high and flash it across the green where more pain awaits.  Experienced Masters players also warn about the massive difference between the fringe speed and the green speed.  Any chip not landing on a sixpence at Augusta means bogey.  Or worse!

Last years winner Charl Shwartzel duffed a chip at the Houston Open last week then chipped in nonchalantly for par. Needless to say, Augusta National will not be as forgiving to the South African this week in his quest to retain the Green Jacket.

With only two days to go before the Masters, betting on both sides of the Atlantic has been frantic.  Here are the biggest movers.

tip bradley Tiger Woods is available at just over 6/1 with about €37,000 in the fund on betfair.  Rory McIlroy is at 7/1.

After his win last week in Houston, Hunter Mahan is available at 34/1.

Last year’s winner Charl Schwartzel is obviously not fancied by many; you can get him at 48/1.

Stateside all the money has been lumped on Woods and McIlroy with Phil Mickelson just behind in third.

In Las Vegas there has been a huge punt on Dustin Johnson who can still be got at 60/1 on betfair.

And surprisingly the American golf betting public have plumped for a European Peter Hanson 250/1 as someone they think will play well this week.

Here is my full


irish examiner banner Whether it’s through pity for me or no, I’m back in the Irish Examiner newspaper for another season!  My page appears today and every Tuesday in the GolfPlus section of the Irish Examiner.

To kick off today’s Masters Special I’ve teamed up with my mate Danny Brassil in the (well, texted him really!) to bring you the readers online and in the paper a really spectacular prize, the chance to win a fourball at the iconic venue.

If you’ve never played the Old Head of Kinsale, you’re missing a truly breathtaking golf course, easily in the top one courses I’ve ever played!  You can enter the competition opposite (on the left).  Closing date next Sunday night 8th April when I get back from watching the Masters.


parnevik chopped finger Poor old Jesper Parnevik faces four months of rehabilitation after a freak accident resulted in him almost losing the top of his finger.  However eye witnesses have said it could have been so much worse.

Parnevik, who was attempting to take his boat out of the water was operating a motorized boat winch when his hand got caught in the machine. A swedish paper quoted him as saying "When I saw the edges of the machine, I was 100-percent sure that I lost all the fingers. I was terrified."

parnvik 2Parnevik is now said to be recovering following an operation to rebuild his finger at a hospital in Jupiter, Florida. It’s not yet clear what his future is as regards playing competitive golf.


Alan Bastable from has just published a nice interview with Rory McIlory. 

rors house After a long day of beating balls and pumping iron, McIlroy, in flip-flops and jeans, wanders to the end of the yard, beyond a stately fountain and a sculpture of a scantily clad woman. “Rickie’s five doors down,” he says before gazing across the white-capped channel, “and Keegan’s right across the way.” That would be Rickie Fowler and Keegan Bradley, two other young princes who have taken the PGA Tour (and Jupiter, apparently) by storm.


Could the weather be a factor in the outcome of the 2012 Masters?  The forecast throws up some interesting points. Wind direction for Thursday is predicted to the West South West gusting up to 37Kms per hour.  On Thursday night the wind is expected to change direction and remain an easterly breeze for the rest of the tournament.  The odd thundershower is also predicted on Thursday and Friday.  Here are the forecasts.

Masters Day One Weather Forecast

Day One Weather

Masters Day Two Weather Forecast

Day 2 Weather

Masters Day Three Weather Forecast

Day 3 Weather

Masters Day Four Weather Forecast

Day 4 Weather

donald trump Though I managed to fool a lot of people into believing the Irish Examiner were flying me to Augusta to “fill in” for a sick colleague this week. the best April Fool’s Day gag surely has to go Geoff Shackleford in the US for his report that Donald Trump had become a member of Augusta National!  The report came complete with a grainy photograph of Donald in his Augusta green jacket.  Here’s the full piece. Quality!

Technorati Tags:

2012 US Masters Tournament, Augusta National GC, Augusta, Georgia
Purse: $8,000,000
odds on the exchanges

Updated Wednesday 4th April

Woods or McIlroy?

Woods: Paired with Miguel Angel Jimenez and Sang Moon Bae.
McIlroy: Paired with Bubba Watson and Angel Cabrera

I’m going to get this out of the way first and foremost by choosing between Tiger Woods at 6/1 and Rory McIlroy at 8/1. Both are just too short odds for me pre-tournament but I certainly don’t want to chicken out of a decision. I’m a McIlroy fan and he played three rounds like a champ last year and though most will remember his final round 80, he bounced back in style showing grit and determination to win the US Open.
On this occasion however I have to go with Woods  even though I’m still very wary of his tendency to flash the odd tee shot wide. Woods is an honours student of Augusta with his four wins. Some will argue he hasn’t produced the goods since his last win in 2005, but in his six attempts since, he’s never been outside the top six. I believe he achieved those results mainly with course knowledge and determination. This year Woods brings all that plus a win, a swing, a putting stroke and an experienced Augusta caddie in Joey LeCava. Things rarely pan out as you might expect but all the odds seem stacked in Woods favour this time around. Especially those given by the bookies. In the past few days all the money on the exchanges has come for Woods. Rory has slipped from 7's to a very generous 8/1.
View my new 2012 What’s In The Bag Tiger Woods Post Here
View my 2012 What’s In The Bag Rory McIlroy Post Here

Keegan Bradley 38/1 (was 44/1)

Paired with Charl Schwartzel and Kelly Kraft.
They say that experience is vital when it comes to winning The Masters but Keegan Bradley is something very special. I love his approach to the game, I love his work ethic, I love his concentration levels. For a man that has only played in 38 tournaments as a professional, in an era of Woods and McIlory he has achieved much. Closed out the USPGA at Atlanta Athletic Club like a veteran and I would not be at all surprised to see him finish in a place at Augusta. Insiders say Keegan has put in some serious amount of Augusta practice with Phil Mickelson.  And with Mickelson stating at his press conference on Tuesday that the unusually soft conditions negates the need for experience somewhat, it further strengthens Bradley's credentials.

Adam Scott 34/1 (was 42/1)

Paired with Bo Van Pelt and Martin Kaymer.
Somewhat of a veteran now in his 11th Masters. A pair of 67’s at the weekend last year saw Scott finish in a tie for second, his best Augusta finish yet. He always had the repetitive swing to contend at Majors, now he has the putter and the caddie to boot. Struggled last time out at the weekend from a promising position at the WGC Cadillac but I fancy this guy has a Major in him and why not now?
Reported to be playing well during the practice rounds after weeks training in the Bahamas and odds have come in.

Geoff Ogilvy 90/1 (was 120/1)

Paired with Matt Kuchar and YE Yang
Although last year’s Masters was dominated by Adam Scott and Jason Day, I thought another Aussie Geoff Ogilvy had a fine week. I liked his whole approach to the tournament considering he had only played in five Masters until last year. Two great rounds were followed by a stumble down the leaderboard on Saturday before a final round 67 elevated him again into a tie for fourth. Ogilvy found a modicum of form at the recent Transitions and his Sunday 66 brought back memories of his super cool US Open win in 2006. With the same approach to this year’s Masters Ogilvy could have another great week.

Best Of The Rest Preview

Luke Donald 18/1 tied for fourth here last year and will be happy to grind away and let Rory and Tiger take all the headlines. At the end of the day though Luke is the world number one and deservedly so. Donald ranks fifth on the PGA Tour scrambling stats and first in strokes gained putting. He may not be the guy who birdies five holes in a row to win but the green jacket over the years has come via many routes.
Bo Van Pelt 75/1 (was 120/1) was one over par heading into his second round last year and finished up tying for eighth. He putts just about as good as anyone on the Tour and has already clocked up top-10’s this year at Scottsdale, Riviera, Doral and Innisbrook. Look for odds for Bo to finish in the top-10. Paired with Scott and Kaymer which should help his cause also.
Hunter Mahan 36/1 (was 65/1) sees his odds halved after winning in Houston.  Long off the tee and extremely accurate he’s been in the top 10 in two out of the last three years. Mahan proved he knows how to win big in the desert and with most bookies paying out for the top six places Mahan is worth a punt. The only possible question is is his new Ping Nome putter that little bit too heavy for the slick Augusta greens?

The way Augusta is going distance is all important and converting on the par fives. Bubba Watson 55/1 (50/1) hits it crazy long, he’s number one on the PGA stats and surprisingly also tops the greens in regulation count. Bubba's odds have lengthened a little after practice, I would have thought they would move the opposite direction after all the rain at the course.
Nick Watney 65/1 (was 70/1) plays his fifth Masters this year and on paper has the game for Augusta. Didn’t break par any day last year but in his three appearances prior to that has always been inside the top 20.

Previous Top 10’s

rory-mcilroy-golf_t640Brian Keogh at the reports on Rory McIlroy’s appearance at Augusta for a practice round ahead of the 2012 Masters.

World No 2 Rory McIlroy continued his low key preparations for the Masters Tournament with a hush-hush visit to Augusta National on Wednesday.

The 22-year old, who led the tournament by four shots entering last year’s final round only to collapse to a nightmare 80, played a quiet 18 holes and was accompanied on his journey by his caddie JP Fitzgerald.


GolfCentralDaily has once again proved to be right on the throbbing pulse of daft stories, being first with Hank Haney’s story about Tiger Woods, Zach Johnson, porn in the K Club and some mansize tissues.

A few weeks ago we posted the story Haney Book- Tiger Woods and Zach Johnson's Porn Marathon in K Club

Yesterday, in the real world, the K Club issued the following statement:

christy "The K Club does not have, and never has had a pay-per-view movie channel nor does it stock nor ever did stock adult movies on DVD or any other format or provide access to such movies for guests".

Pic: Christy Canyon not available in K Club so don’t ask.

The spokesperson with responsibility for Team USA's porn in 2006, Thomas Tank responded today saying:

“I never meant to insinuate that the K Club supplied Zach and Tiger’s porn that week.  The players actually watched their skin flicks on Tiger’s laptop.  He found a really good site, Xhamster I think, with no pop ups and loads of high quality streaming movies.  It was completely free too, most porn sites say the word “free” to get you in, but Xhamster actually was.  All the talk on the tee that week was Christy Canyon.”

Everybody knows Padraig Harrington can talk and now he’s even got Blarney on his shirt! have joined IdentityX and Clune Construction on Harrington’s shirt for the next three weeks for a very special cause.

The three companies have together donated in the region of $200,000 to the Padraig Harrington Charitable Foundation which is raising much needed funds for Irish man Gerard Byrne who was recently paralysed from the waist down in a car accident.

, the largest Irish gift store in the world, is also giving a further 5% of all online sales during the period to Harrington’s foundation.

The three time Major Champion had the idea to offer space on his shirt for his Augusta National appearance which traditionally has the largest viewership figures of any golf tournament worldwide.

I’m guessing Blarney and the other sponsors won’t mind very much if the only thing covering their logos come Sunday week is a green jacket!


Ernie Els spoke to a really important associated press reporter yesterday.  I’m not sure but I think Ernie was locked in the bathroom crying and the reporter was outside with a cup of tea imploring him to just open the door and everything would be okay.

ernie els funny pic[5]Ernie: You can't go into a week putting pressure on yourself to win to get into another week.  I just want to have a good week. If I can win, obviously, that would be absolutely wonderful. But my goal here is not to get into the Masters, it's to play the Shell Houston Open as good as I can.

Reporter: You go right ahead and tell yourself that Ernie, if it helps dry those tears.

Pic: Ernie having some wine at the inaugural meeting of sportsmen who don’t get invited anywhere anymore.

Ernie: If I get into the Masters, that's great. If I don't, then I've had many Masters that I can look back at, and I'll get back in there next year.

Reporter: Ah it’s okay Ernie, you still have a sackful of money and a jet. And a chopper. And five homes.

Ernie: It'll be a very weird feeling.  Since I've been a professional at this level, I've played at the Masters, so it'll be a very weird feeling not to be there. I'll miss it.

Reporter: Ya and you’ll have to watch to Simon Holmes pontificating about Ryo Ishikawa’s swing on Sky Sports.  He got an invite didn’t he?

Ernie: It is an invitational event and they have their reasons to invite somebody or not, and that's the sad part. I'll probably miss it for the first time in 18 or 19 years. My streak will come to an end, unfortunately.

Reporter: I bet you have your phone close by though.  Diving on it when it rings

Ernie: I can't blame the Masters people for not inviting me. I've put myself in this position by not playing very well.

Reporter: Ah dont be hard on yourself Ernie.  You’ve played well, you’ve just putted like Ryo Ishikawa. Ooooooops.

European Tour head referee John Paramor warmed up for his annual appearance at the Masters by issuing a nine foot carpet snake a world record 14 shot penalty for multiple breaches of the Rules Of Golf.  The snake, nicknamed Kevin Na is said to be distraught at the decision.

c0327snakeA quick thinking Floridian viewer found a picture of the snake with two golf balls in its intestines and immediately emailed it to Paramor.

“Kevin Na The Snake is deemed to have breached Rule 18 of the R&A Rules Of Golf, Moving a Ball at Rest” shouted Paramor.  “Not only did he move a ball at rest, he moved two, then ate the blasted things. And lied about it. I’ve had to make up a whole new set of new rules to cover this.  I’ve even had to delay lunch.  And I never delay lunch.”

Speaking from his home where he was last night writhing with close family and friends Kevin Na The Snake hissed to reporters, “I was just slithering beside a pool on the back nine at the Arnold Palmer Invitational, I was miles left of the golf course.  Then I saw what looked like a pair of sumptuous white eggs.  Or so I thought.”

Reacting to Paramor he said “He had to delay his lunch?  I didn’t even get lunch.  My enzymatic juices were powerless to break down the Nike Tour D and its bloody resin core.  You try crapping two bowling balls.  I’d give anything to sink my teeth into his ass right now; I’ve two days worth of venom in those bad boys.  I’m thinking of heading to Augusta. I will have my vengeance.”

Why in the world would Mizuno slight their own equipment by getting Luke Donald to film a masterclass then leave in a scene of him completely skulling a pitch shot over the green? And then spending two minutes talking about how terrible the shot was?  It has never been done before by a big equipment company and after this I’m guessing they wont be doing it ever again.  Cringeworthy.


Here’s what’s in Tiger Woods bag following his win at the 2012 Arnold Palmer Invitational and heading into this years Masters.

woodsDRIVER: Nike VR Tour (8.5°) with a Graphite Design Tour AD DI 6 shaft
FAIRWAY WOODS: Nike VR Pro Limited Editon (15°), SQ (19°) with Mitsubishi Diaman Blue Board 103 shafts
IRONS: Nike Forged VR-S Forged (3), VR Pro Blades (4-PW) with True Temper Dynamic Gold X100shafts
WEDGES: Nike VR (56°), VR Pro (60°) with True Temper Dynamic Gold S400 shafts
PUTTER: Nike Method 001
BALL: Nike Tour D

2012 Shell Houston Open Betting Preview and Tips

Odds on the exchanges

Steve Stricker 20/1

stricker[4] Some say Steve Stricker does not have the game to win a Masters but he sure as hell has one that can win in Houston. This tournament makes no apologies for being the Augusta warm up and sets up as easy as any course on Tour off the tee. The test here is around the greens and they don’t come much better than Stricker at that. Second in scrambling on the stats and tied fourth last year, I think he will do well this week.

Hunter Mahan 28/1

mahan Somewhat out of sorts since winning the WGC Cadillac with his new Nome putter but Mahan likes this Redstone Course. Since the event moved here (from the Member course) in 2006, Mahan has posted three top-10’s. He arguably could have done better if his short game was sharper but on his week is certainly one to watch.

JB Holmes 120/1

Wayne-Rooney-JB-Holmes Great to see JB Holmes back on Tour after his health scare last season. Hasn’t done much since his top 10 at Riviera back in February but shot a super four under final round in really tough conditions at Bay Hill. Holmes has a best of second here in 2009, losing a playoff to Paul Casey. Very generous odds of 120/1

Kevin Stadler 28/1

stadlers_top10 I’ve been keeping an eye on Kevin Stadler for the past few weeks and I really fancy him each way in Houston. Stadler played a seven week stretch leading up to the lower order Peurto Rico Open a couple of weeks back and improved his result in every one of the events. Tied for sixth in 2010 and known as an excellent scrambler, don’t say you weren’t warned!

Johnson Wagner 42/1

wagner It’s something of a milestone for Johnson Wagner this week as he starts his 150th event. The moustachioed one has been having a cracking season, winning the Sony Open, coming second at the Humana Challenge and finishing in a tie for fourth again last week. Couple to that the fact that Wagner won here in 2008 and suddenly those odds of 42/1 seem very generous indeed.

Best Of The Rest

Personally I’ll be having my customary two quid each way flutter on Keegan Bradley for the next couple of weeks but at odds of 17.5/1 you want some longer odds shots in this section! As if Kevin Na’s tied fourth from 90/1 didn’t pay you out enough last week!)

Fred Couples is in great form winning last week on the Champions Tour and loves Houston. He tied fourth in 2008 and tied third in 2009 and if his back holds up for the four days seems a nice each way bet at 150/1.

Chad Campbell is 250/1 and despite not having done anything of note since a good performance at last years British Open, shows up on my radar around Redstone. He tied second in 2008 and finished just outside the top 10 last year.


The PGA Tour has today issued a notice seeking to recruit retired golf writers in the build up to this years US Masters, after all the existing ones suddenly exploded yesterday.

MAS32_Veteran_Journalists_RLC_0Several ambulances were summoned to the site of the incident at Bay Hill yesterday only to be greeted by the splattered fragments of 17 American golf writers.

“They were frothing at the mouth, shouting ‘f**k yeah’ and licking pictures of Tiger Woods when they all just suddenly exploded”, said top Irish golf writer Brian Keyhole who was present in the media centre and witnessed the event first hand.

“From all indications, it looks likes they just spontaneously combusted,” said Tim Finchem of the PGA Tour. “We’re scraping up samples as we speak and we should know more when these are examined but initial indications are that the guys got a little over excited on learning that Michael Hoey had won on the European Tour.”

More as it emerges.

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Congratulations to Michael Hoey and Damien McGrane on their one two in Morocco. 

from the European Tour

hoeyA second successive 65 saw Northern Ireland’s Michael Hoey win the Trophée Hassan II.
The Alfred Dunhill Links Championship winner, who trailed Damien McGrane by nine after an opening 74, was a brilliant 14 under for the weekend at Golf du Palais Royal as he finished with a 17 under par total.
“It’s all a bit surreal at the moment but it always feels like that for me,” he said.
“I was really trying to stay in the present all day and go through the routines of one shot at a time and everything else and then I was really surprised to see Damien had dropped shots as I played the 17th but it was great to have that three shot lead playing the last.
“When I saw that I just wanted to get a good drive down the last because it is a really tough hole and I managed to do that and the hit a great approach in there. I actually hit all the right shots at the right times over the closing holes which was really satisfying.
“I was actually thinking that I might struggle to make the cut after shooting two over in the first round but I started swinging the club really well and the confidence was there so it was great to back that up with the scores too. The second round was a good 67 and then to shoot two 65s over the weekend was pretty special really.”
Hoey’s three shot victory lifts him inside the top 15 on The Race to Dubai and puts him back in the hunt for a Ryder Cup debut later this year.
The 33 year old grabbed his fourth European Tour victory - and second in The Ryder Cup qualifying campaign – to take the €250,000 first prize.

Child psychologists are this evening probing a revolutionary new treatment in alleviating childhood crying fits pioneered by golfing legend  Arnold Palmer.  The octogenarian performed the technique on Annika Sorenstam’s whinging baby son William live on US television today leaving viewers stunned and intrigued.

Snapshot 1 (24-03-2012 21-21)One year old William was appearing with his parents on the broadcast to publicly thank Palmer for saving him as an infant from Angelina Jolie, who was trying to adopt him and add to her collection of 17 children.

“Everything went really well in rehearsals” said Golf Channel producer Todd Backstop “but we never took into account the sinister effect Johnny Miller has on small children.  He scares the living crap out of them.”

Snapshot 2 (24-03-2012 21-22)The television audience were left open mouthed seconds later as magical Grandad Palmer turned little William’s crocodile tears into smiles by waggling his wrists and presenting the baby with an exemption into his tournament in 20 years time.  “That’s the best present ever”  Sorenstam said after “ William can now look forward to a potential $40 million payday if he wins the event, taking into account inflation and Bloomberg’s 20 year forecast on the strength of the dollar in 2032.  It’s really great having that peace of mind that our baby’s welfare is secured.  He starts practicing in five years and  four months time”.

jo-frostPalmer is now due to appear alongside “you know it’s wrong but you definitely would anyway” Jo Frost in the next episode of Supernanny.  The pair are set to go head to head with rabid six year old twins who can turn their heads 360 degrees and speak fluent Latin without ever having been taught it. It’s rumoured that Palmer will attempt to exorcize the children’s demons by offering the pair a club and clothing contract and three PGA Tour exemptions in 2025.

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