September 2012

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Winner Alright

Last week we tipped Ryan Moore to win The Shriners
and Danny Willett tied fifth at 90/1 paying out each way on some bookies

Francesco Molinari 15/1

fran The man who slayed Tiger Woods (well sort of) returns to Portugal this week to a course that seems built for his game. Where distance off the tee might be a factor every other week, it plays no part in Villamoura as Molinari proved in both 2009 and 2010 when he tied for second. But for Lee Westwood getting a fortunate drop on the 17th then playing a miracle pitch, Molinari would have been the victor here in 2009. The top three last year finished outside the top 25 in putting but inside the top six in greens in reg stats giving a good indication of what this course requires. Right up Francesco’s street. Will he be wearing his blonde Marilyn Munroe wig Sunday night?

George Coetzee 32/1

Pinnacle, who’s balls are synonymous with being rock hard and rubbish have released a brightly coloured version of their balls, called the Bling.


“Golfers have been getting away with slyly swapping their Pro-V1’s for Pinnacles on long par 3’s over water for far too long” said Pinnacle CEO, Tommy Limestone today, adding “it’s time we embarrassed the living crap out of them properly.  I think we have achieved that our new psychedelic balls.”

The new Pinnacle balls will be available from Petrol Stations nationwide from today.

john_daly_slix_underwear_thumb[2] Holy cow America, go easy on poor John Daly.  Just because he followed a 63 with an 86 doesn’t make him a loser.  Whatever he does he will always have twice the numbers of Majors to his name as our equivalent, Colin Montgomerie.  Remember that.

For those of you who haven’t read our satire about Daly and George O’Grady on the European Tour, make sure you check it out here. It stands the test of time!

You have to feel for Scotland’s Stephen Gallacher today at the Dunhill Links.  Having won the event in 2004, Gallacher had put himself in a good position to contend again when a bizarre incident ended up costing him approximately €130,000 in prize money.

gallachPlaying in a fourball including an amateur, Gallacher played the wrong ball from the fairway on the 16th.  Clearly distracted by the incident and the two shot penalty, he ended up taking a quadruple bogey eight on the hole.

He finished the event at 15 under, tied for fifth and won €102,000.

If those four shots were not lost on the 16th, Stephen would have finished alone in third with a cheque for almost €232,000.  Ouch! 

Almost exactly from the European Tour site. Almost

Former Ryder Cup star and decent golfer Paul Casey found himself unable to play on for a while in the Alfred Dunhill Links Championship today after a dog came onto a green and had some fun with his balls.

The incident came on the 12th hole at Kingsbarns as Casey continued his partnership in the celebrity Pro-Am with Olympic swimming legend Michael Phelps.

Eventually the dog, apparently local to the area and known as ‘Digby’, became extremely ill after licking Casey’s balls and decided to move on.

Digby is tonight in intensive care at the St Andrews veterinary hospital suffering from acute poisoning after being found wretching violently near where the incident happened.


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By Ron for

European Tour officials arriving for work this morning were said to be “shocked and dismayed” that two new European Tour events, to be held in Balbriggan and Swords, Ireland, had been been mysteriously added to the 2013 schedule overnight.

james-reilly-7-390x285 Senior European Tour official James Yip said “we left the folder with the finalized Tour schedule in the office last night and came in this morning to find it had been amended.  We’ve never even heard of Balbriggan and Swords.  They were not on our shortlist and now suddenly they are on the schedule.  There was no evidence of a break-in, just some thick grey curls of matted hair or beard on the ground and the stench of body odour and whiskey.”

Irish Health Minister James Reilly this morning took responsibility for the changes and says he stands over the decision-making processes he used in breaking into the Tour offices and the allocation of Tour events in his own constituency.  Reilly said he travelled over to London last night after playing a gig in Dublin with The Furey Brothers.

Speaking in the Dáil today, the Minister said that he “stands over” the manner in which he jimmied the front door of European Tour offices and scribbled in the two new events, as well as the criteria that was used throughout the process. Responding to a question from Fianna Fáil’s Bully Killeher regarding what in the hell possessed the crazy b*stard, Reilly said that he was “happy to explain whatever aspect [he] fails to understand.”

ron flash Reilly also insisted  he had the idea to stage golf tournaments in Balbriggan and Swords “as far back as 2007″ and called the process whereby he interfered in a private company in a completely different country “transparent”.

The Tour were today reversing the decision using some Tipp-Ex.


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Ollie: He did great, but wants out.  The whole effort has even affected his beard growth levels, texture and colour.  Definitely out.

7 ollie Monty:  He said yesterday. “I keep being asked by people if I’ll return as a captain for Scotland’s first Ryder Cup in 41 years. My answer is always the same – ‘I’d do it if I was asked’. But I won’t be asked”.  Praise the Lord!

Paul McGinley:  He’s the bookies favourite at 10/11.  Peter Hanson who is still annoyed with Ollie’s benching of him in Medinah told the Telegraph yesterday  “I think Paul does a fantastic job in the team room. He knows a lot about the Ryder Cup and really loves the role of helping players, I think he would make a great captain.”

McGinley himself won’t be drawn on the subject.  He said “As my caddie Jimmy says, if it’s meant for you it won’t pass you by. And he’s absolutely right.”

Darren Clarke:  Could be the dark horse for a home Ryder Cup captaincy and Padraig Harrington, who has a fair idea how the land lies in the inner sanctum of the European Tour said yesterday  “I understand the inside track is that it’s going to be Darren Clarke.”

So, in summary, the main thing is it’s not going to be Monty. Praise Jesus!


Come on Golf Digest, what is this crap?

els funny So when Ernie Els, talking about the days when he used to have a drink or two, tells golfdigest about his world travels with Adam Scott saying “We could write books on the stuff we did”, it implies the stuff they did was so good, so interesting, so memorable that it would make an excellent book.

Or maybe even a golfdigest piece?

Instead we get a forgettable article about his not drinking which includes lines like  'Come over Friday and we'll have a couple of beers.' 'No thanks; I feel too good. I want to go practice. Click here if you want to be pummelled into submission by the full article.

What the hell is happening to golf mags? has a big piece written in the first person by Davis Love triple I on what went wrong at the Ryder Cup. In it Davis Love assumes the identity of Sports Illustrated writer Michael Bamberger to pen the first person narrative on how things went down on Sunday at the Ryder Cup.

1 5 hour energy Steve was where he was in the Sunday lineup, in the second-to-last group, because of his exceptional putting. We loved our Sunday lineup. I say we because this team functioned as a group. I was a players' manager. I listened to my assistants, the caddies, the wives and most particularly the players. We reached a consensus on every big decision we made, from the four players I hand-picked for the team (Furyk, Snedeker, Stricker and Dustin Johnson) to our Sunday order. Tiger said, "Put Strick and me at the end. I don't think it will come to us, but if it does, we'll be ready." Tiger has won three times this year. He's the greatest match-play golfer ever. He's the greatest golfer ever. Hearing those words from him was enough for me.

Let’s hope Bamberger remembers to turn back into Davis Love before he tees off in Vegas later today.


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The BBC posted this video this morning of Bill Murray getting a wee bit pished off (Scottish phrase) at reporters prior to his practice round in St. Andrews yesterday.

On the one hand you could argue, what else are celebrities brought to pro-celebrity tournaments to do?

On the other you could hand you could, let’s say, have a press conference/gathering  with Bill Murray on the practice green or a hotel somewhere and do all the questions there rather than on the first tee.

Anyway here’s the Bill pished off video link or click the pic.


Check out this sneak peek of Sean O’Hair’s new TaylorMade 2013 model iron at TPC Summerlin in Las Vegas at The Shriners yesterday. 

The camouflage badge in the cavity area is often used for prototype clubs to prevent details of name, graphics etc being leaked. 

The iron is a perimeter-weighted cavity-back, but with a tour player size head and less offset. There is a slot in the sole section that is filled with a plastic/ polymer.

I have no doubt this will be called something akin to a “compression channel” which causes the face to recoil on impact creating greater distance.  Nike have done in their drivers as have TaylorMade with the RocketBallz.  


“I’m a lumberjack but I’m not okay”, is what Justin Timberlake is most likely singing in a falsetto voice on his throne this morning after organizers of the JT Shriners Hospitals event in Las Event, decided they’re going to drop the JT from the title, and coincidentally, Timberlake from the event.

justin rick A former member of the 1990s boy band 'N Sync, Timberlake was crowned the King Of Pop when Michael Jackson went mental around 2005.

Lately the fallen idol has been forced to accept cash gigs such as at the Ryder Cup where he wore a a padded workshirt and recited poetry so bad it didn’t even rhyme.

“Even if he did a bit of a dance or sung “Sexy Back” it would have been something” said a disappointed George O’Grady after Timberlake’s  Ryder appearance.

However it’s Timberlake’s amazing ability to disappear which has gotten him the sack from the JT Shriners Tournament.

The event chairman, Raoul Frevel (his real name) compared Timberlake yesterday to Las Vegas legend David Copperfield.  "Justin's a wonderful person. But we tried everything we could to get him more involved with our kids and the hospitals. But it seemed that when the TV cameras weren't on, he disappeared."

Next years Shriners will have a new date within the Fed Ex Cup season.  Rick Harrison from Pawn Stars, which is also based in Vegas, is being hotly tipped to get the gig to be the face of the 2013 RH Shriners Event.


Before you watch this, be aware that everybody in golf knows this was an isolated incident and this guy was most probably not a golf fan.  The American hosts and home crowds were for the most part fun, sporting and gracious.

The reason I’m posting this is to implore you to not let golf fans become like soccer fans. If we don’t highlight it now, it will continue.



also check out my Dunhill Links tips here

Robert Garrigus 21/1

swampass guide_thumb[4] Will that swamp-ass image ever leave my head?  Garrigus is the form player in a lacklustre field given the absence of last week Ryder Cup pugilists. He has clocked up seven top 10’s this season including seconds at the Humana, Transitions and Canadian Open. Add to that a recent fourth at the BMW Championship and 10th at the Tour Championship (which would have been better but for the closing 73) and you can see why his price is so low. His only Tour win came in November 2010 so you know Robert won’t be going stale in the Fall. Shot a 63 here last year (tying 16th) and was second in birdies for the week.

Ryan Moore 16/1

It is hard to believe that Ryan Moore is closing in his 200th PGA Tour start (this week is his 191st) and even more so that he has only won once, the Wyndham in 2009.  Moore spent his college years at the University of Las Vegas and while there won the U.S. Amateur, the Western Amateur, the U.S. Amateur Public Links, the NCAA individual championship and the Haskins Award for best amateur in the USA. So he is sure to love getting back to Vegas this week. Bang in form with top 10’s at the Deutsche Bank and BMW Championship before coming third at the Tour Championship.

Scott Piercy 27/1

Another Vegas man who has had a great season with a win in Canada and good showings at the John Deere and Transitions helping him get to the playoffs. Piercy made it all the way to the Tour Championship finishing in 15th in Atlanta. Tied for 10th here last year.

Chad Campbell 60/1

Without a win since the 2007 Viking Classic but don’t write off Chad Campbell just yet. The former Ryder Cupper is another graduate of UNLV and while his formline looks a lot like a roulette wheel there are a few red numbers in there. For instance at the Wyndham on his second to last outing in August, Chad went 64, 65, 66 to finish fourth. He also had a good week at the Fed Ex St Jude in June, coming third. Summerlin is a course Campbell knows well having tied third when Turnesa won in 2008, then tied second in 2009 behind Martin Laird.

Nick Watney 16/1

In hindsight, should Davis Love have brought Nickers to the Ryder Cup? Taking his form for the season as a whole, probably not but he did come good at The Barclays in the playoffs. Atrocious at the Tour Championship (13 over for four rounds) but all that is sure to be forgotten now that he’s back home in Vegas this week. Came second to Kevin Na last year and tied sixth in 2010 on this, one of the easiest courses on Tour.


2012 Alfred Dunhill Links Championship
Old Course St. Andrews, Carnoustie & Kingsbarns
04 Oct 2012 - 07 Oct 2012
Compulsory Clothing: Under armour and woolly hat with bobble.

also check out my 2012 JT Shriners tips here.

Louis Oosthuizen 17/1

louis Super cool Louis enjoyed a fifth and a second during the Fed Ex Cup playoffs and is always a classy end of season performer. Starting in October last season he clocked up seven top 10 finishes including a win in South Africa. And who can forget Louis’ demolition of Paul Casey at the 2010 Open at St Andrews? An in form rested player with a links pedigree. Tied fifth last year.

Richie Ramsay 42/1

One of my players of the season. After a top 10 at Gleneagles Richie got his second Tour win at the Omega European Masters and almost repeated the feat at the KLM Open the following week. 39th in this event last season and has a recent best of tied fourth in 2009.

Danny Willett 85/1

Danny’s form does tend to be patchy but he finally got a much deserved Tour win at the BMW International Open in June. Since then he’s played the WGC Bridgestone Invitational in Akron and come back to tie second in Crans Sur Sierre. The Englishman also played great here in 2010, finishing second to Martin Kaymer.

Marc Warren 90/1

It has been a really solid season so far for Marc Warren. The Scot came close (third) at his home Open at Castle Stuart in July even if it did look like a mini collapse at the end. Warren has been under par in his last three starts and top tenned last time out in Italy. Shot a final round of 67 at St Andrews last season to tie for fifth.

Feeling Brave? Martin Kaymer 34/1

2 calm down The German really seems to love this event having tied for second in 2008 and then won in 2010. I know for the most part he played poorly last week, but that boost holing the winning putt will have given cannot be underestimated. He also put in a huge amount of work in practice in the lead up and a top five in Italy was his best result of the season. If jet lag is not an issue, don’t be surprised to see Kaymer up there on Sunday.

Most Crazed Celebration In A Leading Role Award


Goes to Keegan Bradley. Who would have thought the quiet mild mannered American would transform into a crazed, fist pumping, eye bulging maniac in matchplay? Nearly burst a blood vessel celebrating a tap in on day two. Makes Ian Poulter’s celebration look like a funeral procession.

Dunt Of The Week Award 

Goes to Nicolas Colsaerts birdie putt on the par three 17th late in the opening day fourballs. Nico had carried Lee Westwood all day and things were getting tight with a resurgent Tiger Woods applying the pressure. With Woods in to four foot for a certain birdie, Colsaerts canned his birdie putt from all the way across the green to pave the way for the most unlikely of European points. The Belgian shot a 10 under round of 62. Justin Rose’s 35 foot birdie putt on 17 in the singles to square his match with Phil Mickelson wasn’t bad either!

Stunt Of The Week Award


Gambling is for the most part punishable by incarceration in America but that didn’t stop Paddy Power figuring there might be some Europeans watching and executing a perfectly timed day two Ryder Cup stunt involving pilots writing pro European messages in the sky above Medinah. The messages comprised of tweets sent by members of the public to PaddyPower. Examples included Rors Is Gonna Getcha, and Where’s Tiger Gone? Jose Maria Olazabal was taken aback by the messages and said during a TV interview that he was trying to find out who was behind it. The smoke letters, emitted by five planes using a pre programmed computer software were 200 foot tall and cost PaddyPower in the tens of thousands of Euros. The planes flew silently above the first tee at 10,000ft so as not to disturb the players. I think it’s called “stealth marketing”!

C*nt Of The Week Award

Goes to Colin Montgomerie who, to stay out of the limelight, worked for both Sky Sports and American TV as a commentator.  Delivered the kind of slimy, patronizing, puke inducing, self absorbed tripe you would only otherwise hear on The Apprentice.

Got his stuck tongue caught up Jack Nicklaus’ ass at one stage too and David Livingstone had the terrible job of pulling it back out.  Luckily Nicklaus put Monty in his place saying ‘You’ve got to win some majors to be rated,’ before adding: ‘Oh, sorry Colin!’

Worst Van Damme Timezone Jumping Award

Goes to Rory McIlroy who beat Keegan Bradley in the singles but not before some major drama. He arrived at the course just 11 minutes before his tee time after getting confused between time zones. McIlroy had read that his match was at 12:25 p.m unaware that it was listed in Eastern time, not Central time. Noticing his absence European officials rang his mobile phone to tell he was on the first in 25 minutes. Luckily a state trooper provided an escort to get him to the course on time. ''It's my own fault,'' McIlroy said. ''If I let down these 11 other boys and vice captains and captains this week, I would never forgive myself. I'm just obviously happy to get the point and help the cause out a little bit today.'' After the win, Olazabal,for a joke, presented McIlroy with a clock in a priceless moment.


Best Outfit Award

5 keegan victim No surprises here in that this goes to the European Team’s final day garb. Everything is meticulously planned at the Ryder Cup and the European Team were inspired to victory by their navy and white outfits, the colours always worn by Seve in the final round of Majors. A perfectly fitting tribute to the legend.

Most Bizarre Tee Shot Award

Goes to Bubba Watson who actively encouraged the huge crowd gathered around the first tee to keep roaring and cheering as he was hitting his opening tee shot. Samuel Ryder must have turned in his grave as Bubba made like an Olympic long jumper and encouraged the crowd to roar as he teed off.

The trend caught on and Ian Poulter revved up the European supporters to do the same on day two. We could be looking at a new Ryder Cup tradition here!

Worst Outfit Award

I’ll let the picture do the talking here

rory's funny text

Best Dressed Fan Award

mayo fan They say you can go anywhere in the world and still come across a man wearing with a Mayo jersey. We spotted this rather hirsute creature at the Ryder Cup wearing a trendy Genfitt Mayo shirt from the nineties and clutching what appears to be an Italian Flag!

The Sports Personality Award

There has been a mountain of material written about the Ryder Cup but the contribution from Kevin Garside made me chuckle. He suggested that, because its an Olympic year it looks unlikely that Ian Poulter will win the BBC Sports Personality Of The Year award, they should introduce a brand new category called the “Poulter Passion Award” to recognize his achievement. I’d vote for that!

Best Group Dance Whilst Wearing Mad Men Jackets Award

Again competition was hotly contested in this category where the funniest bit is in the title. Goes to Europe funnily enough with the Special Don Draper award for best dancing going to GMac!

europe dance  


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A good few of the golf writers are today suggesting a more fitting end to the Ryder Cup would have been for Francesco to concede the last hole to Tiger, declare the match a tie, Europe go home with the cup, everyone to be happy and Bob’s your uncle.

fran Francesco, when he saw the party up ahead on the final green even thought about it until……Ollie and George O’Grady (aka Roger Moore aka James Bond aka 007) had a word in his ear. “They told me, it's not the same, winning or halving, so get focused and do your best, and that's what I did.  So I just tried to win the hole, to win the tournament, basically”.

Asked about the putt Tiger conceded to the Italian after missing his own due to, as he said,  hitting it too quick because it didn’t mean anything anyway (hmmm), Francesco said “No, I mean, I don't know, I was a little bit ‑‑ not surprised; I was getting ready to hit the putt.”  “I wasn't expecting him to give it to me”.

So today we are asking is winning the same as halving?  And if so we want the following changes made to all sports.

If there’s a five way tie at the top of the leaderboard next year at Augusta, they should all be pronounced Champion and given five green jackets.

If the next World Cup final between Spain and Brazil ends in a draw, screw extra time and penalties, let’s just give them a World Cup each and call them all winners!

If Floyd Mayweather does eventually get into the ring with Manny Pacquiao, the referee should stop the fight immediately after the opening bell and declare it a great fight and a draw and a great success since nobody got hurt.

You know what, let’s just no bother with sports at all.  Let’s just sit on our arses, declare ourselves winners and not bother!

Or do we play our hearts out until someone wins?


Several officials first tried to ring Rory’s phone but not recognizing the numbers he did not answer.  Eventually somebody found Conor Ridge, Rory’s manager and got him to ring.  Rory Answered.

rory phone Conor: ‘Are you at the course?’

Rory: ‘No, I’m not.’

Conor: ‘You’re teeing off in 25 minutes.’

Rory: ‘No, I’m not, it’s an hour and 25.’

Conor: ‘You’re taking the mick, you’re at the golf course.’

Rory: ‘No, I’m not.’

Conor: ‘Rory, listen to me, you need to get there.’

Or was it maybe a bit more  like this…..

9 rory timezone

Great video of Rory arriving just 10 minutes before his tee time. Monty said "That's absolutely ridiculous on this level. Quite unbelievable...the world number one golfer. How this happened I do not know.

"Where's the captain? Where are the vice captains? Where's his caddie? We were fortunate that he's the one guy, the most natural player on our team, that didn't need to practice. If we had a Faldo or Langer we'd be in trouble."

"I've never been so worried driving to the golf course before," McIlroy said. "Luckily there was a state trooper who gave me the escort to here. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have got here in time."
McIlroy was reading the Ryder Cup tee times on his phone and saw that he and Bradley were teeing off at 12:25 p.m.
One problem: That was Eastern time. Medinah Country Club, outside Chicago, is in the Central time zone.

Paddy Power was behind today’s Ryder Cup stunt involving pilots writing pro European messages in the sky above Medinah.  The messages comprised of tweets sent by members of the public to PaddyPower.

Examples included Rors Is Gonna Getcha, and Where’s Tiger Gone.

Jose Maria Olazabal was taken aback by the messages and said during a TV interview that he was trying to find out who was behind it.

The smoke letters, emitted by five planes using a pre programmed computer software were 200 foot tall and cost PaddyPower in the tens of thousands of Euros.

The planes flew silently above the first tee at 10,000ft so as not to disturb the players.

PaddyPower was in the news already this year for London Olympics billboard campaign stating it was an "official" sponsor of a competition in London.  They had found a village called London in France and used that to sabotage the Olympic authorities.

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Right, enough of this democracy, it’s time for Jose Maria Olazabal to take a leaf out of Seve’s book and call the shots.

I want to hear this:

  • Martin, Peter and Paul; lads spend tomorrow on the range, I’m going to need you at your best for Sunday.
  • Ian Poulter, you wont be left out again.  I’m sorry I left you out.  You will play with Justin Rose tomorrow morning and evening.
  • Sergio and Luke, you are together tomorrow all day. Sergio, man up.
  • Rory and GMac get some sleep. Going to put you guys out last tomorrow.
  • Nico. you’re in the foursomes and fourballs tomorrow. You’re with Francesco in the morning.
  • Lee head to the range in the morning. If you feel you’re on form you may come in for Francesco in the afternoon.

For those of you visiting from the planet Mars, when it comes to Poults and Woods there’s no love lost.

wood poultThe tipping point came in 2007 when Poulter asked Tiger: ‘How are we getting home?’” after they had finished practice rounds at Oakmont, Pennsylvania, ahead of the US Open.  “Home” referred to Orlando, where both men live.  As the story goes, Tiger never offered Poulter a seat on his jet and was intent on leaving him to fend for himself.

Of course Poults being Poults turned up at the airport runway regardless, leaving Woods with no other choice than to bring him home. 

During the flight Woods allegedly texted Hank Haney saying “Can you believe this dick mooched a ride on my plane?”  Haney revealed this is his book The Big Miss.

The bad blood first kicked off between Poulter and Woods when Poults told a golf mag, “I haven’t played to my full potential and when that happens it will just be me and Tiger.”  Since then it has boiled up in successive Ryder Cups.

Roll on the next battle in the war!


timberlakeJustin Timberframe came to the Ryder Cup opening ceremony dressed like a lumberjack from a Monty Python sketch and did a God awful job. 

Perennial MC Dan Hicks was on hand for the important bits but that didn’t stop Timberlake reciting a golf poem while fans coughed, picked their noses, and looked at their watches.  Rumours that Justin would put on a performance of the excellent “Dick In A Box” from SNL proved false.

What He Did: The Timberlake Poem

What He Should Have Done: Timberlake “Dick In A Box”

Jose Maria Olazabal was last night keeping a vigil at the bedside of his top ball striker, Sergio Garcia, after the fiery Spaniard suffered from a fiery hole during practice ahead of the Ryder Cup.

It’s thought an overly thick seam on the inside lining of the crotch of Garcia’s day two team trousers may have caused severe chafing in and around Garcia’s hole area.

Playing partner Rory McIlroy noticed Garcia’s plight early on in their round yesterday. He later told reporters “I could see Sergio wincing and picking his kaks out of his arse all day.  It was pretty disgusting stuff, but we just thought, that’s probably pretty normal in Spain.”

Doctors have administered a topical cream called Vagisil to El Nino’s ring of fire in the hope that it will rectumfy the situation.  Chief team doctor, Dr. Beverly Crusher said “I’ve often used this cream myself for vaginal dryness, burning or just mild irritation, so hopefully it will be perfect for Sergio’s butt. It provides fast, effective relief from feminine itching.”

“This is certainly not the first case I’ve seen of crotch rot on a golf course and it wont be the last”, a smiling Crusher added.


sky sportsBy Ron for

Sky Sports, the company who owns the Ryder Cup, have shocked the golf world on the eve of the matches by sensationally dropping Sergio Garcia and Ian Poulter from the European team.

On their Sky Sports News Channel late last night, Sky unveiled their new European Team which includes seven foot David Lynn and Spain’s Gonzalo Fernandez Castano.

“We didn’t like the way Ian Poulter was trying to sneak his branding into our telecasts, I control all that sh*t” said Sky Sports supremo Elliot Carver, adding “and Sergio’s jeans were an affront to common decency, He had to go.”

It’s believed Carver was aided in his decision by 2014 European Ryder Cup Captain, Colin Montgomerie.

Elliot_Carver_by_Jonathan_Pryce_200x200Asked to comment on the new call ups Monty said “Uh Uh Uh I like Lynn, Uh David Uh Uh David Lynn, he’s going to be a handful up front, good on the ball and Uh Uh Uh sure to cause problems in the Uh air.

“And as for Gonzo replacing Garcia, it was the only way we could swap one Spanish Muppet for another?  It’s bound to get the kids watching.”

More as it emerges.


Paul Lawrie told reporters yesterday about the European Team’s Sunday outfits being a tribute to Seve.

Seve_Ballesteros_display_image"I don't know for sure but the word is that we're wearing navy trousers, navy sweaters and white shirts like Seve always wore in the final round of majors. I think that will be our singles outfit.
I don't know that for certain but a few of the boys have mentioned that and I think that, if that is indeed the case, there could be no more fitting a tribute to a guy like Seve than having 12 of the best players in Europe wearing his outfit on the final day of the Ryder Cup.”


Here’s the European Team all dressed in traffic light orange as they prepare to go at the Ryder Cup.

europe in orange

Darren Clarke posted this pic of the Northern Irish boys with the tagline- The future’s bright, the future is ……”

europe in orange2I was thinking more Oompa Loompa.

Or demi Rickie Fowler.

Or Blackpool

Or Air Traffic Controller!

Anyway that’s orange out of the way, what’s it gonna be today?



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