Friday, December 14, 2012
“Who the hell does he think he is coming in here and getting all brainy on us,” was the reaction of a long time member of the European Tour's all powerful Tournament Players Committee today to the induction of Peter Lawrie to their ranks.
The unnamed source inside the all powerful committee went on to say “Lawrie showed up in a suit, and had a laptop with Microsoft Word on it. A few of the caddies are saying he even knows how to use it. We were getting along just fine deciding really important stuff like whose turn is it to wear white trousers this week until that skinny brainbox showed up at the top of the class.”
Lawrie, who studied Quantum Physics at University College Dublin didn’t take long to stamp his authority on the all powerful committee, immediately throwing a spanner in the works of the 2014 Ryder Cup Captaincy debate.
“As someone who has yet to learn the workings of the committee, I have an entirely open mind ... but I might ask why is it only a two-horse race for the captaincy?” said the Dubliner peering out through a monocle and slamming a leather whip against a mahogany table.
”What is happening in America has really come out of the blue and maybe we'd need a third horse, a really big horse, to go up against Watson. I’m thinking Red Rum, Desert Orchid, Frankel or Shergar for European Captain. Are any of those still alive? Hang on I’ll google them.”
The all powerful Players Committee are set to make an announcement on whether a third horse will be joining the Captaincy race after the 3.15 at Kempton tomorrow.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Hey, how are joo? I love the cooking, eh, at Christmas, I always cook the turkey. If joo wan to know to cook the perfect turkey, do this.
Drive berry fast into Malaga to pick up the turkey about an hour before joo are ready to cook it so it comes up to room temperature before roasting. Give it a good rinse then pat it dry with some kitchen paper, joo don want it looking like Rory McIlory’s head eh?
Drizzle the meat with Spangish olive oil, add a few good sprinkles of salt and pepper and then rub this seasoning all over the bird, making sure you get in to all the nooks and crannies. I’n talking about the turkey no my wife eh!
Pull the skin at the neck-end back so joo can see a cavity and push about half of your stuffing inside. Once done, pull and fold the skin over the opening and tuck it under the bird so it looks nice. I’n still talking about the turkey eh!
Cover the turkey with tin foil then put it in the hot oven and immediately turn the temperature down to 180°c/350°f/gas 4. Cook for about 35 to 40 minutes per kilo. The 5kg bird in this recipe will take about 3 to 3½ hours. That is roughly 4 bottles of Rioja time eh!
Have joor wife check on the turkey every 20 minutes or so and keep it from drying out by basting it with the lovely juices from the bottom of the pan. After 2½ hours, remove the foil so the skin gets golden and crispy.
When the time is up, tell joor wife to get out of the kitchen and take joor turkey out of the oven. If the juices run clear and the meat pulls apart easily, it’s ready. If not, pop the turkey back in the oven to cook for about another 2 glasses of wine. Once ready, cover the turkey with tin foil and a few clean tea towels for about the time it takes to smoke a cuban and let it rest before serving.
Joo are welcome. Happy Christmas.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Fancy yourself as being in my league when it comes to useless information about golf. Here’s a series of questions to test you to the very limit. Let me know how you get on and don't even think of googling the answers!
18/20 or better = Living legend
15/20 or better = Send your CV in to Sky
10/20 or better = Maybe some on course reporting
less than 10 = You need to read more GolfCentralDaily son!
2. What is the name of the kid Rory McIlroy cleavered at The Open?
3. Name the Swede who had 2 holes in one in one round this year?
4. Who drove it into a bin this year on the PGA Tour?
5. Who nearly lost his finger in a boat winch accident?
6. Why was Randal Lewis in the news this year?
7. Kevin Na got to cut down his '16' tree. At what event?
9. Who said 'you're shitting me' after watching a Kevin Na road shot?
11. Whose caddie made made the world’s worst job at ditching a 15th club this year?
12. What record score did Rhein Gibson shoot in one round this year?
13. Name 3 golfers inducted into the Hall Of Fame this year.
14. What did Feherty compare Ernie’s putter to at the Tavistock Cup?
15. Who said “Leave the bag alone, you TV Muppet!” at The Open?
16. Who DQ’d himself from the US PGA C’ship after remembering a rules breach during dinner that night?
18. Who talked with Kelly Tilghman about smoking a few spliffs this year.
19. Who won $35,000 at a Poker Stars event in the Caribbean back in January?
20. Who’s twitter account was shut down after a rant during the US Presidential Election?
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
They say he once played a round of golf in Mount Juliet. They say he was 15 under par after 12 holes and walked off, claiming ‘golf was piss easy’.
He’s Irish cycling legend and he’s coming to the West Of Ireland for the Cunga Christmas Party. And in the absence of any better options, it shall also be the GolfCentralDaily Christmas Party. So technically speaking, two legends will be attending. (I’m the other one by the way.)
If anybody is around Cong in County Mayo this Saturday night, do join us in Lydon’s Lodge from 7pm. €20 quid at the door gets you a meal, front row seats at a Q&A session and a chance to buy me and Sean a drink after. We’ve also arranged for Black Betty and Gangnam Style both to be played by the DJ until five past two.
Oh, I nearly forgot. Stock up on solpadeine too because we are all headed cycling with Sean on Sunday morning.
Just saw this online and it seemed to be in the spirit of giving for Christmas so I’m happy to share it.
Order a Christmas voucher TODAY ONLY (11th December) from Carr Golf and they will double the value of it.
Vouchers can be used at 8 golf shops throughout Leinster.
To order over the phone with a credit or debit card CALL 01-8609321 they will also post it to you free of charge. You can’t ask for more than that
Terms and conditions apply.
Here’s what’s in the bag of Darren Clarke heading into the 2013 season. It’s the new R1 driver from TaylorMade.
The mood inside the Harrington house took a turn for the worse on Sunday evening after husband Padraig failed to record popular TV show ‘Love Hate’ properly on the Sky Plus Box. According to sources, Harrington cancelled the recording after nine minutes when a viewing clash warning appeared on screen. It’s thought Harrington chose instead to watch Lee Evans Live on the Comedy Channel, leaving wife Caroline fuming when she returned home.
“I came home, made a cup of tea and sat down in front of the TV; I was really looking forward to seeing what would happen Nidgey and whether Tommy would get wacked after banging the RA guy’s wife. I was bloody raging when the ‘end of programme press back up to return’ message greeted me after nine minutes,” Caroline told reporters.
“This having Padraig loitering around the house at Christmas really isn’t suiting me,” she continued. “There’s dribble on toilet seat, blobs of toothpaste left stuck to the sink and he never leaves the car keys in the same place twice. I really cant wait until the golf season starts and I get my house back.”
The situation escalated a few minutes later when a terse stand off between the Harringtons in front of the TV was suddenly punctuated by the sound of the home heating boiler on automatic timer kicking in. Caroline was first to go on the attack.
“The reason I pressed the bloody series link button was so as I could come home and watch the bloody programme. You know well it’s the only bloody thing I watch on TV. And, to add insult to injury, what did you cancel it to watch? Bloody Lee Evans. That git is on every bloody minute on that bloody channel.”
The clearly irritated three time Major Champion was stung into action.
“How am I supposed to know how a Sky Plus box works anyway?” he said. “In case you haven’t noticed I’m usually too busy out on Tour trying to earn us a living so we can pay the bloody subscription.”
Clearly realizing he said exactly the last thing a working man should ever say to a homemaking wife, Harrington recoiled into the chair and waited for the killer blow to be delivered.
“Excuse me? Excuse me? If you want to look to after the bloody kids from now on, that’s bloody perfect. I’ll tell you what, you feed, bath and drive the kids half way around Dublin every bloody day next year and see how you get on. I’ll go out and get a job; I’ll probably earn more than you made this year anyway.”
Not wanting to be the first to leave the TV room and admit defeat, both sat arms folded in silence for 20 minutes through an extremely long ad break and the second part of a Two and Half Men episode featuring Ashton Kuchar.
Flicking the remote control Caroline then discovered that her episode of Love Hate was actually just about to start on RTE+1. Settling back into her chair she let out an exasperated sigh as Padraig slinked off up to bed.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Here’s Rory new mansion complete with six bedrooms, nine bathrooms, a world-class gym, a private deep water dock, and a putting green.
After a period renting a house near the Loxahatchee River in Florida, Rory McIlroy will become a neighbour of Tiger Woods after coming close to the $10.9 million-asking price for 2380 Old Gate Lane. The Intracoastal-side property is in the Old Gate enclave of Pam Beach Gardens.