Speaking to reporters for over four hours after he finished joint top of the leaderboard, Padraig Harrington attributed his fine day one performance at the Irish Open to a coffee enema he had just before the round.

"I was just having a cup of coffee this morning with my caddie Ronan when I suddenly thought 'I wonder what this would be like if it was poured up my arse'" said the three time Major Champion. "I dropped my kaks, assumed the position and had Ronan twist a plastic funnel into my hole before pouring the steaming hot coffee in.  I really think it helped my putting today while cleansing my rectum and large intestines."

Tomorrow Harrington plans to mainline Jeyes Fluid before he tees off to see if that might help his long irons.

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