At his final press conference before the 2015 US Open gets underway later today, USGA chief Mike Davis warned slow play will not be tolerated.

Davis outlined in detail the "atonement" that will have to be paid by Kevin Na, any young Asians or any one else for that matter who walk really quickly then take forever to hit a goddamn shot.


"We're not having the golf equivalent of a shagging slow bicycle race again this year," Davis warned. "Anyone caught pricking around out there will have all their hair hacked off by a blunt knife and be marched through the city naked whilst people spit and throw beans at them and a nun living on borrowed time will shout "shame" the whole way."

More as it emerges.  

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