Golf's rocky re-entry into the Olympics Games took another turn for the worse this morning as  rumours emerged about a positive doping test involving a Chinese player on the eve of the tournament.

An IOC lab technician handles urine samples carefully as she's due to go lunch just after.
In a statement a short time ago the International Olympic Committee named 14 year old China Tour number one Li Min Suk as the athlete at the centre of the controversy.

"Our suspicions were aroused when Suk was spotted during a practice round taking less than 300 seconds to hit a putt," said IOC President Johann Sebastian Bach. "He didn't just beat his normal time, he smashed it by four seconds. We called him in immediately after the round for a routine dope test and found he was one so I think a four year ban is in order don't you?"
Little was known about the player in the lead up to the Games because they don't have the internet in China but Suk had been fancied by many inside the ropes to be the surprise package of the games having won his last eight tournaments in a row on the China Tour.  PaddyPower has suspended all betting on Suk, who had been 15/2 joint favourite with Henrik Stenson.

Ex-WADA chief Dick Poundsaver, now a consultant to cut-price variety store chains said "We've known for a while now that the Chinese Golf Association have been working on a drug called "Speed" which we believe is 100 times stronger than Meldonium, that stuff Maria Sharapova was injecting into her butt crack.  The only reasonable explanation for the dramatic improvement in Suk's time to hit a shot is Speed. Now who do I invoice?"

A subsequent raid on the Chinese golf base in Rio uncovered a large amount of rubber tubing, commensurate with that used to constrict arms to expose veins for injecting banned substances and a stopwatch which is often used to time the metabolism of performance enhancing drugs in the human body.  The IOC claims the find is further evidence of a State sponsored doping program within the Chinese Golf Program.

The Chinese have denied any wrong doing, claiming the tubing has handles and is for stretching and the stopwatch is "just a f*cking Casio."

More as it emerges.


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