Paul O'Connell's Team Europe Ryder Cup motivational speech did not to plan.

Medics from Hazeltine General Hospital were rushed to the Ryder Cup Team Europe headquarters at Travelodge Hazeltine yesterday after several players suffered became ill during a motivational speech from Irish rugby legend Paul O'Connell.

The ex Ireland and Lions Captain was drafted in to deliver an inspirational oration but minutes into the speech it was clear things were not going to plan after Andy Sullivan, Thomas Pieters and Martin Kaymer, who were seated in the front row, all fainted and fell heavily to the ground.

The speech, which included a powerpoint presentation depicting graphic images of the shit O'Connell used do to opponents on the rugby field back in the day, was then temporarily halted to turn on the lights, only to reveal several players cowering behind chairs and holding each other tightly.

Matthew Fitzpatrick and Chris Wood were said to have been "unresponsive for up to 30 minutes" after suffering temporary paralysis during the speech while Lee Westwood was discovered ripping wallpaper off the walls and attempting to use it as toilet roll having soiled his pants in fear.

Following a six hour operation, surgeons successfully removed Rafa Cabrera Bello's fingers from a wooden coffee table, after they became embedded while he was attempting to use it as a shield.

"When we arrived there were bodies strewn everywhere," said Dr. Bill Duct, one of the first medics on the scene. "It seems whatever Mister O'Connell said it scared the living shit out of the guys.  We often see this kind of thing when ex-NFL coaches do talks.  While football and rugby players often respond well that kind of 'Put The Fear Of God Into Them' motivation, golfers, who tend to be a more pampered and gentle type of human, oftentimes cannot cope. Man it was ugly."

Team Europe before they had the fear of God put into them. 


More as it emerges.



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