A five year covert investigation by the R&A and USGA into putters used on Tour has unearthed startling evidence in a new report published today that could have major implications for the golf equipment industry.

Following several social media forums and complaints to consumer organisations claiming putters used by the pros on Tour do not in any way resemble retail models sold to the public, the R&A and USGA were commissioned to form a task force to investigate.

Investigator putting evidence in lockers and stuff.

“We carried out raids on Tour Trucks at several events on both the PGA and European Tour's seizing putters that were destined to be used by the worlds best players and today’s report is the culmination of five years work by our 30 man investigation team,” said Harry Floyd, head of the special investigation unit.

"Obviously it's difficult for me to paraphrase a 343 page report but I suppose the key conclusion we came to after thoroughly examining them in our lab is that 100% of the putters seized are exactly the fucking same as the ones you'd buy in a shop," Floyd revealed to a stunned media gathering in St Andrews. 

“Honestly, they are just bog standard putters,” Floyd added. "The guys using them must just be good, or the holes they are hitting into might be bigger or something.  I'm fucked if I know."

Club golfers who have purchased retail model putters in shops and still cannot get a goddamn putt are said to have  been left shell-shocked by the revelations, but vowed to continue to spend 200 quid a time on finding one that bloody well works.


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