Good news from the USGA today is that Tiger Woods has successfully entered the 2018 U.S. Open without injuring anything.

Surrounded by his medical team Woods managed to successfully shoot off an email to the USGA stating that he intends to play at Shinnecock Hills on June 14th.  An MRI immediately after confirmed after that he didn't suffer any further injury to his back or to his troublesome wrist whilst typing.

Tiger Woods Taking A Dump With A Member Of Wiping Team.
"We are very happy with Tiger's progress," said Woods surgeon Dr. Nicholas Riviera. "His improvement since we sawed out the nobbily bit hitting up against the stringy bit has been astounding and if he continues his progress at this rate he'll be not only winning events but able wipe his own arse again within six months or so."

Having last won at Torrey Pines in 2008, Woods enters the last of his 10 year US Open exemption but its the feeling of controlling the toilet paper around his anus using his own hand after a dump that Woods wants most.

"I haven't wiped my own hole since 2015,"  Woods revealed exclusively to GolfCentralDaily.  "The pain was too great. I just couldn't do that reach around and under wiping motion without spasm.  Even left handed though that feels super weird. I have my own wipers but it's not the same.  It always feels like they've left a bit of poo sticking on, even when they say it is all gone and take photos on their phones to show me. At this stage I'd trade my 14 Majors just to be able to get extra loo roll layers on my fingers to doubly mop that troublesome splash area between my hole and ball sack."

More as it emerges.

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