An Irish golfer, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was left heartbroken today after playing absolute shite on his comeback to golf.

Courses reopened today after an 8 week Coronavirus shutdown but only for members who live within 5km of the golf course.

The forty year old, who plays off 15, was widely expected to shoot in the low 60's on his return to action after he impressed several friends on Instagram with the extra power he developed over the last 8 weeks by hitting balls into a wet duvet on the clothes line at the back of his house.

"I couldn't fucking hit it out of my way....I mean after all the effort I put in just to get here today this is what I get?" the devastated former Captain's Prize Back-9 winner said after. "I was like OJ Simpson in the Ford Bronco with the nerves on me driving the hour down to the course. I said to the wife this morning 'fuck it I'll chance it with the 5km rule' but I was full sure some lad was going to video me or the cops would be at the gate of the golf course and I spent the whole day looking over my shoulder and I don't mind saying just ruined my golf."

"I've a 30 mile journey home now in the car to gather my thoughts, figure out what went wrong, and get my head right for tomorrow," he added. "This is like the professional life on the PGA Tour, there's highs and there's going to be lows like today but if I play well over the next three days I'll feel like I've earned my €350 Covid Payment at the end of the week.

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