The PGA Tour have warned its players to adhere to the long established guidelines regarding the wearing of shades, or risk looking like absolute dicks.

Tour boss Tim Finchem spoke exclusively to GCD yesterday about the rampant problem of players wearing their shades upside down on the back of their head in an effort to look cool.

"It's pretty simple, there is one sanctioned way for a PGA Tour player to wear his sunglasses and that is on the face resting on the bridge of the nose," said Finchem. "Whoever the fuck thought it was cool to invert them and wear them on the back of his head was deluded. Its not cool and you look like a dick. Maybe it was David Duval, I cant really remember."

Commissioner Finchem also expressed his concerns over junior golfers copying their heroes rearfacing way of wearing shades.  "They risk falling into a rut of being dicks their entire lives," warned Finchem. "It starts with the shades, next thing they turn into even bigger dicks by taking selfies on private jets and then its only matter of time of time until the reach the pinnacle of dickness by wearing giant noise cancelling headphones on the range. It's a slippery slope."

The PGA Tour commissioned "The Dick Report" in 2014 which concluded that humans does not see through upside down eyes on the back of their heads.

Finchem did hint however that the PGA Tour are set to meet with the European Tour to bring in a Dicking Ban on January 1st 2018. "That would give players three years to gradually phase out acting like dicks and it is something we are working towards," he said.


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