Congrats to South African golfing legend Tony Johnstone who plays his final competitive round at Woburn today before retiring.  Here's my tribute.

Early Life

It is unclear who Johnstone's parents are.  He was discovered abandoned as a baby in a basket by a meerkat and warthog couple who shooed away the vultures that swarmed around the young child. Tony spent the next 16 years living with foster parents Timon and Pumbaa and following their Hakuna Matata, or no worries, philosophy in the African Pride Lands.


Tony started his golf career in 1836 aged 16. He quickly abandoned the Hakuna Matata philosophy and gained a reputation as a narky little bastard on the European Tour, winning six times before records began.  Seve Ballesteros once famously said of Johnstone "That man knows a lot of useless shit about termites and snakes and stuff." In 2009 Johnstone replaced Mark McNulty in the Zimbabwean Golf Hall Of Fame after he fecked off to Ireland.


Like all Tour golfers except Colin Montgomerie and Nick Faldo, Johnstone went back to being a thoroughly likable chap when he retired from the European Tour and took up commentating.

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