Warning: This report contains more f*cks than the players give about the Dell Matchplay.

The World Golf Championship Dell matchplay could be set for record TV viewership numbers today as the ingenious group format has thrown up an incredible match featuring Rory McIlroy.

Rory McIlroy- "My arse feels great after having 24 hours to scratch it yesterday."

WGC organisers have been widely praised for the new system, which sees some of the best players in the world, like McIlroy, play one match over two days before f*cking off home, as opposed to the old system where a player played one match over one day and f*cked off home. The new wildcard system where at least two players f*ck off home because they didn't want to be there in the first place has also come in for special commendation.

"I am absolutely thrilled to have gotten to spend an extra 24 hours in Austin," said Rory McIlroy who played Wednesday, was off Thursday and is now out. "That extra day gave me a chance to really scratch my arse nice and deep which I haven't had the chance to do in ages. So hats off to the WGC for that, its much appreciated lads."
McIlroy is down to tee it up today against Emiliano Grillo in a decisive winner takes f*ck all shootout but f*ck knows if either of them will show up.

More as it emerges.

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