Disclaimer: The following is Tour rumour and chat. Do not shoot the messenger here!

Poor old Ivor Robson would be turning in his grave if he knew that Paige Spiranac is to take over his role as European Tour starter in 2018.  But that's not the weirdest Tour rumour of the week. Read on!

Yes it is true about Paige Spiranac landing the role of official starter of the 2018 Dubai Desert Classic. Here's the teaser, pun intended.

But the weirdest Tour rumour of the week, surrounds (and I have to be careful here) golf's most famous bit of Holly.  You know that Holly Bush with the oversized fruits?

So here's the parable.

Well it seems an old dog got into the garden where the Holly Bush was and did its business on it while the caretaker was away.  Some time after the Holly Bush turned red, thought it was on fire, and felt very itchy down below.

The Holly Bush got very worried and the caretaker found out about the nasty old dog. The caretaker got very angry and rang up the lady who owned the dog to tell her.  The lady who owned the dog was shocked and said she had no idea her dog was sniffing around the Holly Bush.  Furthermore the lady said she hadn't seen her dog in some time; a sure sign she thought that the dog had done something very naughty indeed!!

More as it emerges.

Hang on.....I've just been told Ivor Robson's alive! Great news altogether!

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