Top Tour players competing every week for huge sums of money could turn into even bigger more moany bastards than they already are, new research has revealed.

Doctors working at the Paris Institute say that the stress and exhaustion associated with continually jetting around the world to collect massive appearance and prize money could affect the sub haemo-neural cortex of the World's top players' brains, switching on a chemical that increases their moany bastard levels by up to 20 times.

French researchers trying new Playstation VR kits during their break.

The new research, commissioned by French 2018 Ryder Cup organisers, comes after a high profile player sacked his caddie for not wiping his bum properly during the 2016 matches at Hazeltine, leaving the player stranded and soiled in the toilet for over two hours.

"We've looked in depth at the top 25 players in the world and found, while they all are moany bastards to begin with, of those that played Rolex series and/or Fed Ex Cup during the 2017 season, 85% became six times moanier with 15% of those becoming intolerable c*nts altogether," Dr Jean Eude explained.

"What we would ideally love to see come September is two teams of fresh fit and rested billionaire moany bastards battling it out at Paris National with nobody left in the loos," concluded Eude.

More as it emerges.

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