GOD ALMIGHTY has this morning expressed his happiness at the performance of his younger less well known son Tommy Fleetwood in finishing second at the US Open.

"Tommy did great," began God, peering out from over some clouds in Rome, "But the Devil has control of that bastard Mike Davis and his bunch of USGA heathens, so like I couldn't help Tommy much and he basically had to do it all on his own." 
"I mean it has always been difficult for Tommy," God continued.  The older lad 'Jesus' got all the headlines and when we said we'd try for a second coming of Christ 2,000 years later, well in 1991 to be exact, and sent down Tommy to Southport it was kindof impossible to get the same media coverage. There no was facebook or twitter in those days you know."

Despite being CEO of Heaven and Almighty Ruler of Earth God said he has no plans to rig the Open Championship next month so that Tommy wins.

"Mother Nature has been acting like a complete bitch lately and I can't even be in the same room as her so I might just let it play out and see if Tommy's God given talent is enough to win him the Claret Jug," said God. "And Carnoustie was one of the first 18 hole links courses designed by The Devil so my hands are tied there too."
"One thing is for sure," God added. "I am not helping Bubba Watson or Zach Johnson to win ever again. I mean since those bastards won Majors they haven't been to Mass once and haven't said so much as a prayer before meals. They just used me and I'm sick of it."

More as it emerges.

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