European Tour bosses were left in shock yesterday after Rory McIlroy decided he fancied a season of playing most of his golf on a better Tour, in the country where he now lives, with far less hassle and more money.

 "Rory is a highly golf skilled person and all that, " European Tour boss Keith Pelley told reporters "but he didn't stop to consider our feelings in all this."

It is believed that Pelley is upset at the fact that McIlroy has seemingly forgotten about the shitload of money he makes for the European Tour every year by showing up, and unfairly thought about himself for a change.

“I just cannot for the life of me understand it," Pelley continued. "We have no tournament sponsors, no advertisers, no backers, shag all events in actual Europe, less and less good players, and shite weather yet somehow, Rory, in some blinding moment of clarity from above, has decided to play on the PGA Tour."

“Look, now is not the time for bitching and moaning about Rory's putting problems and how he never wins anymore and his star being on the slide and all that," Pelley concluded speaking in Arabic. "We'll be grand. Just you wait and see."

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